Tonight, the weather was pretty much the same as last night, with occasional downpours rushing earthwards out of a sky intermittently lit by flashes of lightning. Perhaps it was a little colder as well.

I had a meeting at the museum after my shift, which effectively bridged the gap between jobs, making today a long one, without much time to see Jen and the kids. I really do miss them when I'm stuck at work. During the brief time I was home, Willow giggled and bounced and wheezed. We're working on getting rid of the wheezing part.

Oh well, late to bed and early to rise makes a man tired. Not much of a proverb, I know...

cds I listened to while getting wet again: Drawn "A New World?", Cirith Ungol "Servants of Chaos", and Sopor Aeternus & the Ensemble of Shadows "Es Reiten Die Toten So Schnell"

The storm hit after I went to bed, and had calmed down a bit by the time I got up to go to work. At work, a small boy puked all over the table upon which "messy play" was supposed to happen at 3:00. Unfortunately, he puked too early for the vomit to become part of Messy Play, so we had to clean it up. Messy Play ended up involving corn starch and colored water, upon which a horde of preschoolers descended. Later, grownups had to remove the suddenly multicolored preschoolers from the room and change them into new garments. What fun.

Jen has blogged about all of the health issues the Willow has been dealing with, so I'll just add that I hope this is soon behind us. Willow doesn't seem to mind much - she hardly seems to notice the tube in her nose, and she giggles and smiles even while wheezing. Her parents worry about her though.

The rain came back tonight, and brought lightning with it. I got kind of wet while delivering papers, but despite this, I do enjoy this kind of weather. I sometimes worry that all of the water inside my car will short out the automatic windows or do some other damage, but it hasn't happened yet. I'd close my windows, but then I wouldn't be able to throw papers. I'm sure the occasional people I pass during the night scoff at the crazy guy with the rain pouring into his car. Oh well. I don't mind getting wet because I know I can come home and dry off.

cds I listened to while wondering if I should get a bucket to bail water with: My Dying Bride "The Dreadful Hours", Savina Yannatou "Lullabies", Bathory "Destroyer of Worlds", and Potentiam "Balsyn"

Alright, they promised us a storm and it hasn't yet arrived. The wind is blowing a bit, and I got a brief sprinkle of rain across my windshield (which brought to mind that old Tom Waits song, "Diamonds on my Windshield") but so far that's it. Maybe it'll hit by morning. Hopefully the wind will be strong enough to finish blowing down the dead tree in our front yard. As it is, we have to pick up bushels of branches every time there's a bit of wind. If the whole tree blows over, we can be done with it all at once. Knowing our luck with the yard, that would be the signal for some other tree to die.

Trees are blooming in the night, and I drive through patches of pleasant aroma while working. This helps balance out the patches of unpleasant aroma left behind by irritated skunks and nocturnal smokers.

I especially noticed the Willow trees tonight because they're good at withstanding storms. Also, of course, because we're in the wee hours of the anniversary of Willow's first day in the outside world. Right now she has a cold, but that beats being delivered by c-section. She's only a year old and already has had her share of storms. I fervently hope that her upcoming year, and those beyond, are less tempestuous. Happy birthday Willow.

cds I listened to while watching leaves skitter by: Paul Chain "Unreleased Vol.1", Eleni Karaindrou "Mousiki Gia Tenies" box set, and Ulver "Silencing the Singing"

Just checking - yep, I can upload images at work. Just not at home because our computer is full of pixies (that is, after all, where the word "pixel" has its origins).

It's raining, but not heavily. Tomorrow we're supposed to get more of a storm. I hope it doesn't disturb the owls that may or may not live in the large palm tree in the neighbor's yard.

Today was spent trying to keep up with the clutter. I also had to help the larger Rat snake shed and clean his cage because of a recurring mite problem. There is nothing quite like picking tiny bugs off a snake who isn't as grateful as he should be. In fact, he was downright snappy.

I have to get up soon, so I'd better go to bed. I'll leave you with some words from The Dickens: "I had poopoo diarrhea in the outside!" I hadn't even noticed that she'd swapped her diaper for some Power Puff Girls underwear. Thankfully it was outside, and I was already using the hose to clean the snake cage.

cds I listened to while waiting for more rain: Sackville "These Last Songs", Sigh "Imaginary Sonicscape", Tiamat "Brighter Than the Sun" and "For Her Pleasure", and Green Carnation "Journey to the End of the Night"

On Friday, with the threat of rain hanging over our heads, I took Lexy with me to Hidden Villa. He's been there before, of course, but never on a day that I'm leading a tour. He ended up helping out, as I knew he would since it's impossible for him to remain in the background. He did a very good job of explaining the horse hitching post (actually, a pair of old iron rings embedded in an even older oak tree) and later was of the opinion that the kids were "dull". This is because he's a sophisticated first grader and the other kids were kindergarteners. Another highlight was Emerson the pig, who grunts like a car with a broken muffler if one massages him just right.
I'm going to take Nate next friday. I figured that taking them both at the same time might detract from my real purpose of leading tours comprised of people who have paid for them.

On Saturday we had a party for Willow (after much scrubbing and cooking and whatnot). She was immediately impressed with her new xylaphone and drum, and has since playfully explored her other gifts as well. The Dickens was of the opinion that all of the gifts were actually hers, including the snazzy new highchair that Jen brought home from the store.
It really was an important celebration - more so than most birthdays. Jen's pregnancy was complicated, to say the least. Her birth was unexpectedly early. And of course there's this darn anemia thing that we're dealing with now. Add all of this to the fact that the anybody's first birthday is special, and you have a very heartfelt celebration.

Of course, now we're all getting another cold, although so far I've been spared. I think we've more than filled our cold quota for the year. Somebody call the disease police.

Random thought: Have you ever noticed that when somebody accuses you of standing in the way of progress, it's usually because you're standing in the way of decline? Think about it.

cds I listened to while wondering where the forecast rain had gotten to: Feederz "Teachers In Space", Goblin "Il Fantastico Viaggio del Bagarozzo Mark", Opera IX "Maleventum", and V/A "Hand/Eye"

We're having a birthday party for Willow on saturday, and as usual there's too much to do. Not that that has ever stopped us before. I have also just been asked to show up at another birthday party a couple of weeks from now with my reptiles and bugs. They're paying me too. This is good, because even though money does technically grow on trees, you get in trouble if you make your own.

I suppose I'd better get some sleep now. I'm taking Lexy with me to Hidden Villa tomorrow, since he's got the week off from school. It may rain though. Not that this necessarily stops the tours - it just means more puddle splashing opportunities and the chance to get a whiff of the lovely aroma of soggy sheep. Soggy cows too, no doubt, since they don't have the sense to come in out of the rain. Come to think of it, neither do I.

cds I listened to while waiting for the rain: Manilla Road "The Courts of Chaos", Folque "Vardoger", Skyclad "No Daylights Nor Heeltaps", Diamanda Galas "La Serpenta Canta", and Tarentel "Ephemera - singles 99-2000"

Problem solved, thanks to helpful support people at Blogger.

Okay, so in addition to not being able to upload images, I now can't post at all. I'm not exactly sure why. Of course, when you are reading this at some as yet unknown time in the (hopefully) near future, the problem will have been solved and this whole post will be moot. I'm only writing it at all out of sheer, stubborn habit.

cds I listened to further in the past than one might think: Alquimia "Wings of Perception", Leakh "The Wreckoning", Faun Fables "Family Album", John Trudell "Johnny Damas and Me", and Neko Case "Blacklisted"

We're having a nice little storm at the moment. It's been spitting horizontal rain since early afternoon. Our lovely dead tree has gotten a bit smaller and our lawn is littered with branches. The big, dead branch that has been hanging off of one of the trees in the backyard since last year has finally succumbed to gravity. Nate and The Dickens went out and danced around it like extras from "Lord of the Flies".

I've discovered that the uploading problem we're having here is unique to our computer, and not a blogger problem. I can upload images just fine if I'm at work, but not here. I have absolutely no idea how to fix this problem. It irks me something fierce. Okay, maybe not fierce, but at least grouchy.

cds I listened to while becoming soggy: Strebers "Meningslost Liv(e)"%Ì^|ñ¬Xtrong>Kristi Stassinopoulou "The Secrets of the Rocks", The Gathering "Souvenirs", Mirror "Die Spiegelmanufaktur", and Steeleye Span "Gone to Australia - on tour 1975-84"

Another weekend spent getting little tasks done around the house. We also managed to acquire a new pet, more by chance than design. It's a rat, which might strike some of you as funny, since most rodents who enter our house end up as snake or lizard food. This rat was actually intended to be just such a meal. I knocked it out and dropped it in the python cage, but the python just kind of looked at it. I then noticed that he was about to shed, which I should have noticed earlier, but didn't because I've been busy with many other things. Shedding snakes, by the way, often won't eat. I took the rat out and the boys started asking if we could keep it as a pet. I finally caved in and got an old cage out of the garage. Lexy wanted to name it "Ratty", but Jen suggested "Lucky". Lucky indeed. The python shed today.

In related news, the pet store around the corner seems to have skipped town. Oh well. I like the Reptile Ranch better anyway.

I got a night off from work as well, and spent it nicely.

cds I listened to while enjoying the light, warmish rain: Hrsta "s/t", Tarnation "I'll Give You Something to Cry About!", The Danubians "s/t", Ulver "Silence Teaches You How To Sing", Skepticism "Farmakon", and Sigtryggur Berg Sigmarsson "A Little Lost"

I was holding The Dickens yesterday, and I asked her if she was my girl. She looked up at me and replied, "no, I you Dickens."

I still can't upload pictures, and I have no idea why. I keep checking though. They say that one way to tell if a person is insane is if they keep trying the same thing the same way, but expecting different results...

Hmmm... I still can't upload files.

Jen already wrote about the frenzied day we had today, so I'll move on... It's funny how going to work is usually more relaxing than being at home. Well, not really - all I'm doing is driving around, listening to music, and folding/throwing newspapers. Tonight was no exception, although some chain-smoker driving in front of me on the freeway kept flicking butts out of his window so that little orange sparks bounced across my hood. Why the hell don't people use their ashtrays? Later, I saw a cop chasing an SUV, the driver of which had his hand out the window, no doubt making a rude gesture of some sort. I couldn't quite see. Still much less exciting than home though. It doesn't get much more crazy than when one child is bleeding, one is whining because he isn't getting as much attention as the bleeding child, and one is proudly holding her poop in her hand. Willow was largely unconcerned with all of this activity. Jen and I need a nice vacation.

cds I listened to while wondering if the cop ever managed to pull over the moron in the SUV: Cruachan "Tuatha na Gael", Iva Bittova/Andreas Kroper "Echoes", Jewlia Eisenberg "Trilectic", The Green Pajamas "In A Glass Darkly", Dunwich "Sul Monte E Il Tuono", and Aranos-Mueller-Rosenau "Bleeding In Behind Pastel Screens"

I can't seem to get pictures to upload at the moment, so no new drawings today. It makes me wish I knew how to troubleshoot more effectively, although I think the problem exists on the other end.

I'm in task-avoidance mode now. I should be concentrating on getting a new job, but instead I'm making little lists of things that need to be done. To be fair, some of the items on the list have to do with job finding - things like "fix resume" and "brainstorm". Then there are things like, "clean hall closet" and "buy mice" which, while they need to be done, probably don't have to be written down. It does feel good to make lists though. You get the feeling of accomplishment while actually not accomplishing a damn thing. It's sort of a virtual accomplishment. My next step is to compile all of the little lists into a bigger list. Then I can prioritize the items on it. After this, perhaps I will get some things done, in random order of course, because for some reason it is the most odious tasks that float to the top whenever a list is organized into a descending order of priority. Such is life.

cds I listened to so I could rush home and list them here: Tony Hill "Inexactness", The Ida Retsin Family "Volume 1", Volcano The Bear "Five Hundred Boy Piano", Asta Kask "Kravallsymfonier 78-86", Retsin "Moon Money Moon", and Giya Kancheli "Lament"

The days have been sunny and cool this week, making it feel like spring is crouching in wait. The nights, on the other hand, have been quite cool. I may not be up and around at night in another couple of months if the rumors about the impending end of my job prove true. I've got to put a little more effort into finding alternate employment. I've never had to really search for a job, so my skills are a little untested in that department. I think I'll just start talking about it nonstop to everybody I know and maybe I'll land another job the way I've always done it in the past - by knowing somebody who knows somebody...
I used to occasionally get job offers from parents visiting the museum or tagging along on tours at Hidden Villa - it was usually something along the lines of, "how would you like to come teach at the preschool I direct?" At the time I wasn't interested. Now I might be, although after witnessing the lack of insight and rudimentary social skills of some of the parents that Lexy's teacher has to deal with (not to mention some of the kids themselves), I'm not as enthusiastic about becoming a classroom teacher as I once was.

The Dickens woke me from my nap this afternoon by licking me on the nose. What a strange little girl she is sometimes.

cds I listened to while driving thither and yon: Strebers "Kaos & Skral 85-87", Dirty Three "Obvious is Obvious", Vasen "Live at the Nordic Roots Festival", Einsturzende Neubauten "Strategies Against Architecture III, 1991-2001", and Sieben "The Line and the Hook"

This monday sure lived up to its reputation. Jen took Willow to get a new nose hose, and ended up waiting a couple of hours for them to put it in. At home, Lexy managed to lock the door to the boys' room from the inside so that we couldn't get it unlocked. Usually all you have to do is push a small screwdriver or hair pin through the little hole in the handle and jiggle it until the door unlocks, but apparently this doesn't work on our doors. Jen called up from the little, nurseless room she was waiting in with Willow, and suggested I try a credit card. About five minutes and a mangled visa card later, I got the door open, but not before The Dickens had pulled up the metal strip at the edge of the carpet in the hall, scattering the remaining nails across the linoleum. She's been working at that one for a few days, and this was the proud culmination of her efforts. I took the strip from her and hid it on top of the python cage, where it will no doubt remain for weeks. At about this time, Lexy fell off his chair in the kitchen, dropping his soup bowl, which rolled all the way over to the laundry machine, leaving a trail of chicken noodle soup behind it. The Dickens, not to be bested, poured her own soup all over herself. I picked her up and put her in the bath. Later, after she was clean and dry, Jen, who had finally made it home from her interminable wait at the clinic, caught her shoving cheese through the hole in the wall in the hall. This was a different kind of cheese from what she had purportedly been shoving into the air purifier earlier in the day.

But now it's tuesday. Ha ha.

cds I listened to while monday was turning into tuesday: Cybele "Interactive Playground", Clare Fader "The Elephant's Baby", The Moonlighters "Hello Heartstring", and Ektroverde "Integral"

Faun Fables (Dawn and Nils) played a cd release party in Oakland for their new cd on Saturday night, so I guiltily left Jen at home with the kids and went to see them. It was the first gig of the year for me, and the first cd purchase as well. This particular show involved parents, siblings, and friends, as one would expect for a release party for a cd called "Family Album". Dawn's family seem all to be excellent musicians - her mom has a beautiful voice and plays a mean piano to boot. Her brother pounded out some Beethoven to raucous applause. Nils' family told stories. I could go on, but you get the idea. It was sort of like a variety show or a salon show. Haven't listened to the cd yet. I have to let it age for a week or so, sort of like wine or cheese. Anyway, the show was beautiful. M. did the backing music for the first and final songs of the evening, and actually managed to sell $80 worth of cds at the merchandise table. He then came home with me so he could wake me up the next morning with one of Willow's squeaky toys (a few hours after my initial awakening by Jen to trudge to Safeway for face tape). Actually M. came over because A., who is due to give birth to her first child sometime next month, was meeting us here so we could hang out and discuss babies. It was during this time, as we were eating lunch at the rather average restaurant down the street, that Willow decided that she likes cheesecake. We're hoping that she eats more in the morning since, as those of you who have arrived here from Jen's blog already know, she has removed her feeding tube. I don't blame her one bit. Nobody likes to eat with their nose.

cds I listened to while feeling slightly sleepy: In Extremo "Sunder Ohne Zugel", Tom Lehrer "The Remains of Tom Lehrer" box set, and Tinsel "The Lead Shoes"

I have a customer on my route who hasn't been picking up his papers, so I've been building a paper house with them on his door mat, stacking them up like a house of cards. Tonight, I discovered that somebody had knocked over my creation. Bastards.

Willow is happy and energetic, often chuckling to herself as she plays. Today, as I left for work at the museum, she said, "bye bye." I love that. The other kids have all been trying our patience in various ways, although The Dickens has been sneaking back into the bedroom in the mornings to snuggle up under the blankets with me, like she was doing while Jen was in the hospital with Willow. It's cute enough that I don't mind being awakened before I'm quite ready.

I have to get up early(ish) to lead a tour at Hidden Villa, so I'll end here.

cds I listened to while being blinded by the moon: Aly Bain & Ale Moller "Fully Rigged", Sviraj "One to Remember", Baby Dee "s/t" ep, Landberk "Jag ar Tiden", Darkwell "Suspiria, and Rasputina "Cabin Fever"

Where's the Lorax when you need him?



See-through birds. What next?

I'm still feeling tired, even though I got enough sleep last night. I think I have a mild cold as well. There's nothing like hanging around a hospital and not getting enough sleep to help invite those nasty cold germs in for a party, during which they will probably eat up all of your food and step on the cat's tail. Ah well, it could be worse... It always could be worse.
I've been thinking about how vulnerable we become once we have kids. There are so many things that can go wrong - so many accidents and diseases and just plain bad luck. One of my co-workers at the paper route told me that this is the reason he has never wanted to get married or have kids. He doesn't know what he's missing though. Despite the potential emotional danger, it's very much worth it. I can't imagine life without my wife and kids, no matter how much the kids whine and scowl and fall mysteriously ill.

Over the week that I wasn't at the museum, the days have gotten longer. This means that I'm walking into the sunset as I leave work. By the time I'm in my car, the sun is behind the hills and orange-gold light plays along the crest. Later, the moon rises, full and encircled by mist. Life is beautiful despite, or maybe because of, the hardships we face. Don't forget it.

cds I listened to while enjoying life: Mia Doi Todd "The Ewe and the Eye", The Black "Golgotha", Candlemass "Nightfall", Pustit "Musis", and Yuri Yunakov Ensemble "New Colors in Bulgarian Wedding Music"

More pleasantry for the peasantry.

Willows bend in the wind, thus allowing them to survive storms that shatter more rigid trees. Willow doesn't know about the inherent strength of her given name, but it has served her well anyway. She is now home, along with Jen. We all ate pizza to celebrate, except for Willow, of course, because she is still mighty suspicious of food. This is why she has a hose in her nose that we have to attach to a bag full of vitamin enriched formula several times a day. This doesn't seem to bother her much. I think it would bug the hell out of me. At any rate, she is already gaining weight and showing a renewed interest in putting things in her mouth. This is a good sign. She also has lots of energy. It's as if she got a tune-up while in the hospital. We still have to take her for lots of follow-up appointments, but we'll deal with those as they come.

I went back to work at the museum today as well. During BioSITE, which took place at one of the participating schools, rather than down by the river, due to rain we dissected owl pellets. Our group found one of the biggest rat skulls I have ever seen inside an owl pellet. I also found a pelvis in such good shape that I could attach the ball joints of the leg bones to the sockets and make it walk around and dance. If nothing else, it was a good demonstration about how bones are connected and what kind of movement is possible. I think I have too much fun at my job. Pity it doesn't pay so well.

cds I listened to while being glad that our little girl is home again: Stina Nordenstam "This is Stina Nordenstam", Green Carnation "Light of Day, Day of Darkness", Black Tape For A Blue Girl "The Scavenger Bride", Keuhkot "Vasen Ja Oikea", Empress "s/t", Ain Soph "Rituals", and Pentagram "Anatolia"

Good lord I'm tired. I was so scattered today that I forgot to eat lunch and dinner, which is almost unheard of for me. I did manage to eat ice cream and cookies, and down a substantial amount of coffee, which is about as healthy as George Bush's conscience. I think I'd better go to bed before somebody wakes up screaming again.

Willow is wiggly, and is getting harder to satisfy with the stuff in her hospital room. Jen is getting stir crazy. The kids all miss her. I miss her.

cds I listened to through a mental fog: Tarnation "Mirador", Iva Bittova "Cikori", Pentagram "First Daze Here - the Vintage Collection", and Tin Hat Trio "Memory is an Elephant"

Jen just called me from the hospital, and Willow does not have cystic fibrosis! I'm relieved beyond words, since I was preparing myself for the worst. I think that's a pretty common defense mechanism in cases like this - hope for the best while preparing for the worst. She does have some sort of absorption problem (indicated by fat in her stool sample), which is what led the doctors to test for cystic fibrosis in the first place, so they still have to figure out what exactly the problem is.

More soon.

In just a few hours, after the sun comes up, we will find out if Willow has cystic fibrosis. Both Jen and I have spent a few days agonizing over this possibility, and we have come out the other end feeling a strange positive energy. The diagnosis is out of our hands. What we do afterwards is very much in our hands, and we plan to do the absolute best we can for our girl.

We're never quite sure what tomorrow brings, but we will meet it as best we can. For now, I must go and calm The Dickens, who WANTS HER MOMMY! loud enough to wake several neighborhoods.

The healing power of music: Bohren & der Club of Gore "Midnight Radio", Kathleen Yearwood "Ordeal", The Changelings "Orbit", Larsen "Rever", The Naysayer "Heaven, Hell, or Houston", Odetta "Lookin for A Home", and Aragorn "Noonday - The Anthology"