As newspaper carriers, we often get what are euphemistically called "service requests". These are, more accurately, complaints. Here's a funny one:

Attn: Sub call to report that it's raccoons in area. Please double bag daily and put Wall Street Journal between the two car's in driveway (so raccoons can't find them).

These complaints are always written in what is euphemistically known as "hurried english". This one is more legible than most. I took the liberty of spelling out all of the silly abbreviations. I left the poor english intact.
I wonder if they really think that putting an extra bag on the paper and making a half-assed attempt to hide it is really going to deter raccoons. Raccoons are pretty smart creatures, as is evidenced by their ability to read the Wall Street Journal. Of course, their taste in reading material leaves something to be desired.

Animals spotted tonight: The same damn Night heron, one opossum standing very still in the middle of the road, and sixteen egrets.

cds I listened to while hiding papers from raccoons: The Gathering "How to Measure a Planet?", Coil "Scatology" and "Horse Rotorvator", and Ani Difranco "s/t"

now: Retsin "Cabin in the Woods"