We had a feast at Jen's mom's house, and a fine feast it was! I am very thankful for it. Even though this holiday is, in some ways, symbolic of the virtual genocide of the people who lived on this continent first, it is a good time to get together and reflect on what we are thankful for. At the same time, it would do us all good to reflect on the less than savory history of this country. It is always good to question things, especially governments. I am thankful that I have the right to question things, but sometimes I worry about how secure this right really is. We, in this country (some, not all), tend to take a lot of things for granted. One need look no further than the low voter turnout to see what I mean. We delude ourselves into thinking that things will stay pretty much the same no matter what we do. Maybe sometimes they do stay the same. But sometimes they don't. I notice in the news that the current administration is, piece by piece, undoing many of the things put in place by the previous administration. The trees that we thought were safe from loggers are going to end up as paper cups and reams of computer paper. Oil drills stand poised. Our privacy is in jeopardy. Emission standards have been relaxed. Damage is being done, and we're too passive to gather together in great enough numbers to do anything about it.

We have met the evil-doers and they is us. All of that "axis of evil" crap was just a ruse.

There was a picture in the paper today of Bush trying to pat the turkey he had just pardoned from the ax. The turkey was leaning away from his hand. I'll bet it was thinking, there's gotta be a catch. This guy never pardons anybody.

cds I listened to while digesting: Jag Panzer "The Fourth Judgement", Peter Frohmader "Homunculus + Ritual", Jaguar "Wake Me", Judas Priest "Sin After Sin", and Diamanda Galas "The Divine Punishment"

now: Loreena McKennitt "The Mask and Mirror"

You can see the little people out of the corners of your eyes. They're always there, doing their secretive little-people things. This involves spilling copious amounts of food on the floors, tearing anything made of paper into small pieces, and then scattering it to the four winds, and oftentimes the soiling of their own clothing. They must believe it is good luck to throw things over their shoulders, as this is the fate of most objects that come under their control. They also delight in hiding important household items, usually under cushions or behind chairs. Their culture is a strange one indeed. We must study their ways.

The temperatures have dropped. The moon has been halved. I don't have to work tomorrow night - something to do with the killing and eating of large birds.

cds I listened to tonight while wishing I had on warmer clothes: Fit & Limo "As Above So Below", The Flash Girls "The Return of Pansy Smith and Violet Jones", In The Woods... "Three Times Seven On A Pilgrimage", Flies Inside the Sun "Cactus Sky", Iron Maiden "s/t", and Paula Frazer "Indoor Universe"

now: Kate Price "The Isle of Dreaming"

Sophie has been pointing at our stomachs and exclaiming, "baby!" I think she knows that somebody new is going to show up, but isn't sure who this new person is hiding inside. She also reminded me to take my jacket to work tonight by saying "I gacket!" as I was about to leave. She's no dope.

I finally replaced my brake light bulb, and the porch light bulb. We all struggle to not let the little things overwhelm us, but, being little things, we often forget to do them until they gang up on us in the form of an all encompassing "big thing". I can intend to do something for months sometimes before actually doing it. It doesn't matter if it's something that takes less than a minute to do - it's all a matter of remembering at a moment when I can actually do it. I tend to think of things when I'm at work or about to go to sleep. This is why the little things often just do not get done.

cds I listened to while thinking about things that need to be done: Firewater "Psychopharmacology", Utah Phillips "Good Though!", Jarboe "Dissected - a collection of remixes", In the Woods "Strange in Stereo", and Varttina "Kokko"

now: Diamanda Galas "The Singer"

Jen and I went and saw Bowling for Columbine today, which we both agreed should be mandatory viewing in public schools. I won't say more than that. I'm glad it was a good film though, because we had to wait through one of those insipid, advertisement-laced slide shows, and then what seemed like another half hour of commercials. To top it all off, they have the nerve to call it "pre-show entertainment". This reminded us why the non-corporate movie theaters are so much better. It's the kind of thing that makes me just want to wait for the DVD release so I can rent it and not have to be a captive audience for all of this nauseating drivel. If there is a hell for the clowns who think up this kind of crap, then it is a movie theater that plays nothing but smarmy commercials for eternity.
Jen thinks that if they're going to show so many advertisements, then they should let us in free. I heartily agree.

It was cool and pleasant tonight, with some streets pleasingly carpeted with leaves. The fog was moving in just as I got home.

cds I listened to while driving over leaves: Neurosis "The Word as Law", In the Woods "Heart of the Ages" and "Omnio", and Firewater "The Ponzi Scheme"

now: Kate Price "The Time Between"

That damn gated community on my route seems to attract cops. Maybe people who have the poor judgement to live in such a monstrosity and pay outrageous amounts in rent also have poor judgement in other matters. Tonight I passed by as the cops were banging on some guy's door and then inviting themselves in. I remember another time, about thirty feet further into the complex, when I scared the shit out of a couple of cops who were obviously intent on searching for somebody. They didn't notice me until I was right on top of them. I'm lucky I didn't get shot. Now whenever I see police activity, I walk. Running silently up behind cops could be bad for my health.
Lockheed seemed to be a hub of police and fire engine activity tonight as well. I'm not sure why.

On my way to work, some guy in a truck right in front of my threw a cigarette out his window. On my way back from work, some guy in a truck right in front of me threw a cigarette out his window. Maybe it was the same guy. Wouldn't that be a strange coincidence?

There was a nice amount of fog over the valley tonight.

cds I listened to while appreciating the fog: In Extremo "Verehrt und Angespien", Utah Phillips "Making Speech Free", Firewater "Get Off the Cross... We Need the Wood for the Fire", In The Woods "A Return to the Isle of Men", and Mumble & Peg "All My Waking Moments in a Jar"

now: Kate Price "Deep Heart's Core"

It's almost time to throw out the jack-o-lantern. It no longer looks like Oscar the Grouch. Now it is sad and droopy and moldy. Jen mentioned the possibility of it staining the fence. I would have thrown it in the yard waste bin, but it has nails in it. Removing the nails will be an odious task. Next year I'll use something else for teeth. Maybe, just to mess with people, we should get some new pumpkins in december and have jack-o-lanterns for Christmas. We could put little halos over their heads. I love mixing up the holidays.

The moon has been quite lovely the last couple of nights.

cds I listened to under the light of the moon: Fire & Ice "Seasons of Ice" and "Birdking", Gjallarhorn "Grimborg", In Extremo "Die Verruckten sind in der Stadt", and Mago de Oz "La Leyenda de la Mancha"

now: Baraka soundtrack

There they were, with pale faces and shit-eating grins, all staring at me. There must have been eight or nine of them crowded into the alcove, clustered around doorways leading to apartments where people presumably slept.
I'm not sure why there were so many toilets in one place. Was it some sort of practical joke? Is one of the residents a plumber? Was I witness to the beginning of an invasion by beings who just happen to look like commodes? Will there be more of them tomorrow night?

Earlier in the day, a sheep took a liking to the way my hands smelled. I think she picked up on the scent of lanolin in the hand lotion I used earlier. Then the sheep peed, and you would have thought it was the high point of the tour I was leading. Pre-schoolers are so impressed by bodily functions.
Somewhere on the farm a lone frog was singing. There were a few Slender salamanders under the logs by the greenhouse, sharing their space with a couple of large centipedes and a number of crickets. The lizards have all but disappeared for the winter, even though the day was warm.

cds I listened to while wondering about toilets: Liar "Gone Too Far", Mumble & Peg "This Ungodly Hour", In Extremo "Weckt die Toten!", Low "Canada", Fire & Ice "Midwinter Fires", and U.Utah Phillips & Mark Ross "Loafer's Glory"

now: Lights in a Fat City "Memory Ground"

I saw a grand total of one meteor tonight.

In the dim past, families would gather around the fire at the end of the day and tell stories. These stories were passed down from generation to generation. Sometimes new stories were born, and old stories faded, or changed beyond recognition as storytellers added their own twists and personalities to the proceedings. Many of these stories were cautionary tales. Children, upon hearing a tale such as Little Red Riding Hood, would come away from the experience knowing that it is unwise to stray from the path, and even more unwise to consort with cross-dressing wolves. All was well and good until television came along. Now the kids gather around and watch "Land Before Time 5". What they're learning from it I just don't know.

cds I listened to while straining to see meteors: Fire & Ice "Blood on the Snow", Varttina "Oi Dai", Holocaust "The Courage to Be", Fire & Ice/Charlie MacGowan "California Daze", Tony Wakeford "Paris", and In Extremo "s/t"

now: Lights in a Fat City "Sound Column"

After a good night's sleep, I tried again, and lo and behold, it worked! I, like many people, do not have a full understanding of the tools I use on a day to day basis. If I click on a button while using the computer and nothing happens, I stubbornly click on it again and again, like a Neanderthal beating a fish against a rock. This doesn't usually help. Even Neanderthals, knitting their brows while wiping pulped fish off of their knobby hands, must have realized that sometimes a gentler touch is called for. In other ways, they were lucky. Prehistoric people, I'm reasonably certain, knew how to use, and fix, their tools. We, who live in a technological society, at best know how to partially use our tools. Forget fixing them. The flow of information has become so great that it threatens to carry us away over the roaring waterfalls of a new dark age. How comforting.

now: In Extremo "Hameln"

For some reason the entry I wrote a little while ago is languishing in the "post" window and will not, no matter what I do, allow itself to be published. I am vexed.

I've just read all of the stories that form the foundation of Batch 8 of the OAC's writings. Our ranks have swelled to nine, and is more than 50% female. Two of these people I have never met. One of them continues to be my brother. One of them is somebody I work with. One of them is my wife. One of them is a cat (or so he would have us believe). It's good to be underway again. When we're done with this batch we will have ninety new stories, a handful of which will eventually make it up onto the OAC site. Someday.

I've seen a couple of meteors over the last two nights. The Leonid meteor shower is supposed to be at its peak tomorrow night, in conjunction with the full moon, which will obscure all but the brightest meteors. Oh well.

cds I listened to while swerving to avoid possible meteorites: Varttina "Aitara", Fire & Ice "Runa", Utah Phillips & Ani Difranco "Fellow Workers", Godspeed You! Black Emperor "Yanqui U.X.O.", and Holocaust "Spirits Fly"

now: the best of Popol Vuh

It really is true what they say about the decline of pay phones. Maybe the fact that nearly everybody has a cellphone these days is to blame. Maybe not. Regardless of who's to blame, it is impossible to find a working pay phone in San Francisco. Not being able to contact my work, I left the show early, but not before seeing Steve Von Till, Scott Kelly, and Jarboe. Wow.

music I listened to while grumbling about outmoded technology: Kitka "Voices on the Eastern Wind", Liar "Devil Dog Road", Low live at the DNA lounge (thoughtfully broadcast live by the nice folks at KFJC, so I didn't have to miss them completely), Faust "So Far", Marianne Faithfull "A Secret Life", Fantomas "The Director's Cut", and Fifty Foot Hose "Sing Like Scaffold"

now: Popol Vuh "Das Hohelied Salomos"

Lexy has a brand new, shiny white, glow in the dark... cast! He scaled the heights of a tall fence at school and plummeted to the ground, cracking that little knob of bone at the end of the humerus. In the x-ray, it appears to be hanging off. He has also lost two baby teeth (not related to the fall). One of them is really lost, and may have been swallowed. The other one is in the hands of the Tooth Fairy. Jen commented that he's falling apart.

I saw a beautiful sunset today, in a strange sort of way. Inside the museum, we have an exhibit where kids can manipulate a roof-mounted camera and watch the results on a TV monitor. As I walked past the exhibit at closing time, the monitor displayed a brilliant, orange and red sunset. The only problem is that the camera was pointing east, so the sunset it was picking up was a mere reflection, broken into squares by the windows of the large office building across the river. As I looked at this image, I thought that it was a good metaphor for how many of us live our lives. Many things we experience are filtered and packaged. Information is interpreted (reflected) for us and broadcast into our homes. As anybody who has been part of something that makes the news can tell you, the information is nearly always distorted. Pure information doesn't always further the aims of the people providing it, so the news is squeezed to fit into the appropriate box. A case in point would be a protest against the Gulf war that I took part in. The news stations and papers seriously under-reported the number of people protesting. An illusion must be created that nearly everybody is in line behind the government as it rolls out its tanks and planes. Too many protesters could cause embarassment, a fact which we should take to heart in the coming months.
When I finally made it outside, the orange and red had leaked out of the clouds, leaving only grey silhouettes.

cds I listened to while experiencing life first-hand: Low "Trust", Holocaust "The Nightcomers", irr.app.(ext.) "ozeanische gefuhle" and "inception and silence undivided", and Black Heart Procession "Amore del Tropico"

now: Popol Vuh "Tantric Songs/Hosianna Mantra"

I remember being in preschool and being fascinated by rust and decay. There were a bunch of tricycles available for our use during the play periods. I remember a couple of kids with crewcuts always getting the "speedy" bikes, as they called them. It didn't matter to me, I always wanted the rusty, beat up old tricycle - the one that tended to lose wheels when ridden. There was a certain aesthetic to that worn out old trike that clicked with me. Maybe I was subconsciously drawn towards the underdog - the abandoned and unused. Things other kids wouldn't have anything to do with. As I grew older, this fascination would manifest itself in different ways - my choice of pets, the music I listened to, books I read... If too many people like something, then there has to be something wrong with it. Personal taste should not be decreed by some outside force - some marketing ploy. Do people really like the star with the flashiest ad campaign? The one with the sexiest outfit? ...or do they just think they do? Do the insipid songs on commercial radio overcome people's defenses through sheer repetition? Does the initial urge to regurgitate disappear after somebody in a DJ chair tells you that the song you just heard is an "instant classic"? These are the things I ask myself at four in the morning.

cds I listened to while driving around in my beat up old car: Hollenthon "Domus Mundi", and "With Vilest of Worms to Dwell", Utah Phillips & Ani Difranco "The Past Didn't go Anywhere", Tara Jane O'neil "TKO a record by tara jane oneil", irr.app.(ext.) "not hidden, but concealed" and "radiant black future...", and Varttina "Seleniko"

now: Popol Vuh "Coeur de Verre"

It's been a year (give or take a few days) since we moved into this house (okay, duplex...). We moved in the rain, using a U-haul truck and various smaller vehicles. I remember that rainwater pooled on the roof of the truck, soaking me on several occasions. Jen said that we would probably be unpacked by the summer. I thought she was exaggerating. It turns out she understated things instead. After a week or two of living here, she took the kids to Texas for three weeks or so (a trip that had been delayed due to the 9/11 tragedy). I unpacked as much as possible and put the bed together (It was a nice, somewhat rickety old bed, which has since gone back to Jason. We replaced it with a metal framed bed from Ikea). I also got some sort of sinus infection, which didn't stop me from going to see Hungarian filmmaker Bela Tarr's epic Satantango at the Pacific Film Archive in Berkeley. Because of the running time (a mere seven and a half hours), and the fact that I felt miserable, I half expected it to be an ordeal. I needn't have worried. I think my illness only added to the experience. There I was, shivering and dripping at the nose, crouched by myself in a theater seat - and I loved it. It moved at a sedate, black and white pace through the desperate lives of a group of Hungarian villagers, sometimes folding back on itself to capture events that were happening simultaneously. ...but it is not my purpose here to review films. That said, I wish somebody would put the damn thing out on DVD so I could watch it again and again.
We were out in the garage today. Jen was looking for a box of maternity clothes. We've been dumping things in there for a year now, not to mention the things that never made it out in the first place. There are piles of old cardboard that needs to be recycled. Under the cardboard are torn bags of rocks from the time we tried to re-do the landscaping. Weeds, looking pale and serpentine, have sprouted in the bags, twisting their way over the rocks in a desperate quest for sunlight. There are various unopened boxes and outdoor toys and that huge aquarium I got from the museum, all waiting patiently for the day when they will again see use. As a whole, the space looks like it has been attacked by angry gibbons. We don't go in there much.

cds I listened to while knowing that my car will never be parked in the garage: irr.app.(ext.) "an uncertain animal, Ruptured: tissue expanding in conversation", "dust pincher appliances", and "foreign matter, nor frequency carrier", Varttina "Musta Lindu", and Kris Krawczyk & Goran Bregovic "Kris & Goran"

now: Coil "Unnatural History II"

Our yard is blanketed by debris from the neighborhood trees. Multicolored leaves form a carpet punctuated by the crooked fingers of shattered branches. Sad brown palm fronds litter the walkway, and the seed pods full of berries that Sophie likes to put in her mouth litter the ground. The air smells alive. The plant odors mingle with the aroma of saturated soil to produce the intoxicating smell of autumn. Mist hangs in the spaces between the surrounding hills. The clouds above pass on, and the temperatures drop. Tonight there were hints of frost on the lawns. My breath billowed around my face.

On friday we visited the midwife. I heard our child's heartbeat for the first time. There's not a whole lot of things better than that.

Later the same day, Matt and I went and saw Inkboat's performance of Onion at the Yerba Buena Center for the Arts. It seemed to me to be about a writer who observed from a distance but never got involved, his editor (or publisher) and a couple who were either characters in his writings or consumers of his writings. Onions, which seemed to be a metaphor for books, were thrown about with enthusiasm. Or were they a metaphor for human souls? Or were they just onions?

Jen and I, during a rare childless moment, saw Frida earlier today (or yesterday) and it was quite excellent. I'm not going to do a review of it here, but it was great to hear (and see) Lila Downs at several points during the film. The brothers Quay also took part.

cds listened to while seeing my breath: Heavy Load "Full Speed at High Level", Hellhammer "Satanic Rites", Hellhound "Ice Age", Idiot Flesh "Fancy", and Sigur Ros "( )"

now: Popol Vuh "In the Gardens of Pharao/Aguirre"

It rained most of the day. At the museum, I stared out the window at the clouds as they surged across the sky, and imagined that they were stationary and we were the ones moving. As I drove home, the storm increased in ferocity. Later, the lights flickered but never went out. I lit a couple of candles just in case the power died. As I took out the trash, the garbage can lid took an unexpected trip down the block. I caught it and put it back a bit more forcefully.
Now it is relatively calm outside, and I am drinking a large glass of orange juice.

I was filling out one of those emergency forms (you know - who to contact in case I fall down a well or experience any other catastrophe) for Hidden Villa, and of course I put down Jen. I got a real thrill out of writing down "wife" in the "relationship" space. I'm so glad we found each other.

cds I listened to as the winds died down: Political Asylum "Rock, You Sucker", Penelope Houston "Karmal Apple", Ani Difranco "Out of Range", Godflesh "Selfless", and Gjallarhorn "Ranarop - Call of the Sea Witch"

now: Martyn Bates "Imagination Feels Like Poison"

The evening started with the smell of imminent rain in the air, and clouds lowering above. Leaves raced across asphalt, or swirled in confusion, as if panicking at the news of an advancing army of raindrops. The trees roared around me. By the end of the night, some of these trees had toppled, or dropped heavy branches onto cars. I often found myself swerving to avoid plant debris. The hard lines of roads and curbs softened into leafy indistinctness. I love winter storms.

The day started on a surreal note. One of the first things I do upon awakening is turn on the lights in the reptile cages. This is a pretty simple task, except for the one in the python cage, which never quite works right and has to be jiggled. In order to jiggle it, I have to reach over the python, who is always expecting food. Anything that enters the python cage is mistaken for food. I've gotten into the habit of picking up whatever happens to be on the floor near the cage and placing it between the python's head and my hand as I reach for the light. Today it was one of Nathan's jackets. You can see where this is leading... Have you ever tried to get a jacket away from a python after he's latched onto it? He struck, looped his coils around it, and squeezed. I tried to pull it out. He squeezed tighter. I was trying to get ready for work, so I got him out of the cage and carried him around with me while I got dressed, attempting every so often to get the jacket back. Every time I grabbed it, he thought it was coming back to life, so he'd tighten up again. I finally got it away from him, and made it to work on time. Nathan was a bit miffed about the whole thing though.

I would have had a unique excuse if I had been late.

At the museum, I put an Ethiopian cd in the player, and a guy from Ethiopia had to question where he was. It turns out he'd grown up listening to the first song on the cd. He was a bit surprised to hear it in the Early Childhood Center at the children's museum. Another one of those "meant to be" coincidences.

cds I listened to while getting a bit wet and trying to get the car to slide on the leaves: Coil "Unnatural History", eX-Girl "Kero! Kero! Kero!" and "Big When Far, Small When Close", Gjallarhorn "Sjofn", Penelope Houston "Tongue", and Punk Lady (who are actually eX-Girl in disguise)

now: Martyn Bates "Mystery Seas (Letters Written #2)"

The papers were late tonight because of the election returns. Yes, we voted (in a garage around the corner). Simple Simon didn't win. Ha ha. Jen says the jack-o-lantern currently rotting on the fence near the front gate looks like Oscar the Grouch. I'm inclined to agree - who would have thought a nail-toothed, lemon-eyed pumpkin could look like a garbage loving puppet?

The tarantula has finally started hanging out on the birdhouse we got for him. Maybe he's waiting for a bird to move in. Who knows what goes on in his spidery little mind?

The kids at Hidden Villa today had name tags with pictures and bar codes on them. Strange.

Cds I listened to while cursing Republicans: Penelope Houston "Loners, Stoners, and Prison Brides", and "The Whole World", eX-Girl "Pop Muzik", Olho Seco "Havera Futuro?", Pink Turds in Space "The Complete...", and Plaid Retina "Dead End Mind"

now: Eyeless in Gaza "All Under the Leaves, the Leaves of Life"

I got a funny Google hit the other day: my pet mangrove snake. I can't even remember when I wrote about mangrove snakes. My advice to this searcher is to not pet mangrove snakes. They can bite right through gardening gloves.

Speaking of gardens, Jason and Stacy got us a cool little garden fairy as a wedding present (we loved all of the other stuff as well, of course). We're going to put it out back near the great porch swing that Jen's dad and stepmother got us. I want to get all of those river rocks we used to decorate tables for the wedding and make some borders in the back yard. Of course, maybe we should attempt a lawn first. Making arbitrary borders in the dirt would be odd.

I registered for the CBEST (Crazed Baboons Endeavoring to Steal Truffles) oops.., I mean California Basic Education Skills Test. This is the first real step towards actually becoming a teacher, as opposed to just talking about it.

cds listened to while enjoying the cool weather: Eversor "September", eX-Girl "Heppoco Pou" and "Back to the Mono Kero!" (back to the single croak?), Painted Black (compilation of very strange versions of the Rolling Stones' "Paint it Black". Thanks Andee!), and Godflesh "Pure"

now: Popol Vuh "Seligpreisung"

It's a new week and I find myself sucked back into my current routine. I've noticed that some people have already put up Christmas lights. The jack-o-lanterns haven't even rotted away yet! What's the rush?

Speaking of rushes, I wasn't in a rush to see the newest Star Wars movie, so when we went to see it on the Tech museum's Imax screen, I was probably the only person in the audience who hadn't seen it before. This particular Imax screen is of the domed variety, which means we were looking straight up a good portion of the time. At other times, it was necessary to whip my head back and forth to catch the action or subtitles or whatever it was that was disappearing beyond my peripheral vision at that particular moment.
Was the movie any good? Kind of... This type of film, as Dario Argento once succinctly put it, is for kids. There are lots of great special effects and sets. The story is relatively simplistic, and occasionally downright sappy. On the bright side, Yoda gets into a fight with Christopher Lee. On the down side, the film had nowhere near the effect on me that the first three did. But what the hell...

A couple of days earlier, we (the married we) were at the Tech museum with the kids and Jen's dad and stepmom and brother and his girlfriend Stacy. The kids had a great time. I got a good laugh when I discovered an exhibit that allowed you to videotape yourself holding forth on the subject of technology. I was thinking of sitting Sophie in the chair and letting her talk for a while but it didn't seem to be working. I looked around for helpful signs. Instead of finding anything useful, I found a sign that admonished people to avoid "foul language or inappropriate jester's". The first question that sprang to mind was, "inappropriate jester's what?" Hat? Shoes? I had visions of jesters in army helmets or baseball caps being dragged away from the exhibit.

Are the exhibit people at the Tech museum only semiliterate? You decide. Push this button to record your answer. Past favorites include a Super 8 hotel that was "comming soon" and a store that has been selling "sheespkin" car seat covers for years. This new trend in apostrophe abuse is unsettling though. The poor little things are too small to fight back.

cds listened to while being blinded by all of the Christmas lights: Eld "Carved", Empress s/t full length cd, and s/t ep, Godflesh "Cold World", Ani Difranco "More Joy, Less Shame", and "Dilate", and Ether "Music for Air Raids"

now: Wizard Women of the North