Every once in awhile, I have one of those thoughts that I've had hundreds of times before, but it will suddenly seem to be accompanied by a new sense of profundity. This week, it was, "every second I'm alive is a second I'll never get back again". In other words, time wasted is irretrievable. Maybe this is the kind of thought that becomes more common as one ages. At a certain point, we all pass from having more future to having more past, and one never knows when that point is or was. I'm reasonably certain that I've passed the halfway mark. In fact, I'd be very surprised if I haven't.
Time's a-wasting.
I also got asked a pair of questions this week that I had to think about before answering. On the way home yesterday, Willow spoke up and said, "I have a question, but you don't have to answer it if you don't want to." Then, she asked if there was a specific reason her mom and I divorced. She has never asked that before. The answer is that there wasn't. I briefly explained the concept of irreconcilable differences to her. Her mom and I are very different people, something that perhaps we should have figured out before marrying. Despite it all, I'm glad that we got married because if we hadn't, there wouldn't be a Willow. There were some good times too. We have to get through where we were to get to where we are.
The other question was asked by one of my younger friends at work, who asked what my fears were. I eventually came out with "failure, and I used to fear rejection.". Later, after giving it more thought, I decided that "embarrassment" and "terminal disease" are better answers.
I think back to a time when I was younger and realized that the conversations I had with friends were often much more intense than the ones we all have now. Is this too something that happens as we age? I don't feel like I've mellowed out, but in some ways, I guess I have.
I'm thankful to have younger friends who still have more future than past. They help give life a needed edge.
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