Jen mentioned to me last night that my left tail/brake light was out, so I pulled the bulb out... and managed to leave the bottom portion of it firmly attached. After mauling it with a couple of pairs of pliers, I gave up. When I started my car to go to work, I noticed that my dashboard lights had joined the strike. An hour or later, I discovered that all of my rear lights were nonfunctional. I finished the night with my hazard lights on, and thankfully saw no cops, except for one who looked like he was thinking about pulling me over but changed his mind. Upon arriving home I looked at my fuse box, consulting the owner's manual as I did so. In the little diagram it indicated that I should use the thoughfully provided fuse puller to extract fuses for inspection. Of course, the space where the fuse puller was supposed to be was quite empty. So instead of going to Hidden Villa tomorrow I'm going to be scrambling about in an attempt to fix my car. Grumblegrumble.

cds I listened to in the flashing glare of my hazard lights: Saw Throat "Indestroy", Laibach "NATO" and "Jesus Christ Superstars", S.N.F.U. "The Last of the Big Time Suspenders", Keuhkot "Vasen ja Oikea", Otyg "Alvefard", and Cordelia's Dad "How Can I Sleep?"

now: The Tear Garden "To Be An Angel Blind, The Crippled Soul Divide"

It was warmer tonight, and threatened rain. The sky was full of interesting clouds at sunset.

My speedometer and odometer are getting lazy. I have to drive for ten minutes or so before they'll deign to work. I can just see myself getting pulled over during that first ten minutes and the cop asking me, "do you know how fast you were going?", to which I'll truthfully reply, "no, I have absolutely no idea."
My *check engine* light has been on for most of the week too. Maybe my car senses that I'm about to pay it off.

I have a three day weekend! No work on sunday night! I'm working at the museum on monday though. Double pay makes this attractive.

cds I listened to while not knowing how fast I was going: Rudimentary Peni "Pope Adrian 37th Psychristiatric", Mandible Chatter "Grace", Calla "Televise", Orphaned Land "El Norra Alila", and Laibach "Opus Dei"

now: Landberk "Riktigt Akta"

It rained a bit tonight, and moisture hung in the air.

I made up another batch of that glue/powdered soap/water concoction today. I then added white paint and shaving cream to it. The kids at the museum loved it, and soon there was white glop everywhere. One little boy, no more than three years of age, held up a double handful of rubbery, gluey mess and proclaimed, "it looks like a placenta!" It turned out that his younger sister had been born at home. Just like Sophie. That gave me an idea for a more spring themed activity (right now we're doing winter themed ones) Since spring is a time of births, we could add some red coloring to the concoction and all of the kids could gather 'round and make their own placentas! It would be a great learning experience for everyone! All of those kids who were born in hospitals need to know this stuff...

This, of course, is why Ginny (our early childhood education guru) always looks a bit dubious when I say I have an idea.

cds I listened to while being moist: Raw Power "Reptile House", Woven Hand "s/t", Tracy Chapman "Telling Stories", Rudimentary Peni "Cacaphony" (still the best musical H.P. Lovecraft tribute out there...), Martin Simpson/Jessica Ruby Simpson "Band of Angels", Cordelia's Dad "Roadkill", and Laibach "The John Peel Sessions"

now: Cliff Martinez "Kafka" soundtrack

Jen got a whole bag of these neat little hand-warmers sometime before Christmas from the mother of one of Lexy's classmates. They work on the same principle as the wheat bags we have floating around the house - you put them in the microwave for a couple of minutes and then soothe your aches away with soft warmness. I finally remembered to take one of the hand warmers to work, thinking that it would be nice to have out there in the cold february dark. Once at work I discovered that somebody had taken the carousel out of the microwave, and that somebody else had evidently had a little trouble keeping their coffee in the cup while heating it (the coffee maker bit the dust a month or two ago...) I looked around for something to put between the hand warmer and the puddle of coffee inside the microwave. In the end, I stuffed it inside a coffee cup and started heating it. It promptly caught on fire, sending smoke out into the room. I turned off the microwave, removed the charred cup holding the even more charred handwarmer, went to the bathroom and doused the whole mess with water. Oh well... at least we have more of them.

cds I listened to while wishing my hands were warm: Raw Power "Burning the Factory", Amalia Rodrigues & the History of Fado, Tracy Chapman "New Beginning", and Laibach "The Occupied Europe Tour 1985"

now: Simon Fisher Turner "The Garden" soundtrack

The mercury, with the help of some kindly clouds, has climbed a bit. There was a beautiful sunset, seen between buildings, yesterday evening. During the afternoon I bought a black light and a couple of sundews. The black light is for the scorpion, who phosphoresces greenly under its influence. It is to be used for the upcoming Irr.App.(ext.) show. By the coating of dust on the box, I could tell that it had been sitting on the shelf at the store since the mid Seventies. The sundews are for the little fruit gnats that are so populous inside our house. Or should I say that the fruit gnats are for the sundews? Carnivorous plants - the natural cure for pesky insects.

I tried to buy a book on sunday while we were up in San Francisco, but was told that the last copy in stock was on hold for somebody. They informed me I could special order it, so I filled out a card and we left the store. Little did I know that the book was actually on hold for me. Hours later, when we arrived home, there were a couple of messages on the machine. The first one was from the bookstore, saying that the book was on hold for... my brother. The second message was from my brother, and contained a fair amount of laughter (which, in truth, had nothing to do with the first message, but the juxtaposition of the two messages was amusing). Subsequent phone calls revealed that he had ordered it with the intention of giving it to me as a present for Christmas. It had arrived too late. How silly.

cds I listened to while not wearing a scarf: Laibach "M.B. December 21, 1984" and "Krst Pod Triglavom - Baptism", Raw Power "Wop Hour", Iron & Wine "The Creek Drank the Cradle", Mandible Chatter "Hair Hair Lock & Lore", Der Eisenrost/C.H.C. Systems demo tracks, and Orphaned Land "The Beloved's Cry"

now: Nurse With Wound "Soliloquy for Lilith"

The moon is halfway there, and it is cold. The little guard shack is back at the entrance to the building complex that houses the company I won't name here. This morning it was populated by not one, but two guards. Maybe they get lonely. They looked a bit like Laurel and Hardy. They could use the time in between harassing paper carriers to perfect a comedy routine or something. Maybe tomorrow night I'll get the Three Stooges. I hope I don't get a double poke in the eyes.

Speaking of comedy routines. We went and saw Culture Clash at the San Jose Rep on saturday. This is the kind of comedy that makes me laugh - the socio-political kind. They were masters of the costume and accent change as well. It's good to see anti war, pro-humanity themes being performed upon the stages of our backwater little burg. Some of it was quite poignant.

Oh, and we're now at orange, which is only one step away from red. I think they came up with this stupid color code so the little Bush could understand things without having to ask an aide. It's sort of the presidential version of those cash registers in fast food restaurants that show pictures of food items on the keys so that the employees who can't read or count can successfully operate them.

Sunday was fun too. All in all, a good weekend.

cds I listened to while being irritated by security guards: Mikhail Alperin "Prayer", Ratos de Porao "Cada Dia Mais Sujo E Agressivo", Laibach "Ljubljana-Zagreb-Beograd", Tracy Chapman "Matters of the Heart", Tenhi "Vare", and Ninewood "American Salt Lick"

now: Nurse With Wound "The Swinging Reflective"

Another weeks winds to a close. It's still cold outside (relatively speaking) and the sky is clear.

Since I'm so obsessive about listing the cds I listen to, I thought I'd list some of the books I've read recently:

Robert Aickman - The Collected Strange Stories Vol. 2
Michael Moore - Stupid White Men
Count Stenbock - A Secret Kept
Robert McCammon - Speaks the Nightbird
Thomas Ligotti - Sideshow and other Stories

I'm currently reading Tapping the Dream Tree by Charles de Lint. We're still in the process of reading Lord of the Rings to Alexander. It's too bad Nathan is just a little too young to be interested in the story - he just wants to hear the parts with Aragorn. He has also developed a habit of getting all restless and wiggly at bedtime, and often has to leave the room so everybody else can prepare for sleep. Maybe we'll have to read the whole thing every few years so all of the children can experience it. That would be fun. We'd probably end up knowing the whole book by heart.
Jen and I were talking about books the other night - I mentioned that I tend to peek at people's book shelves and cd racks whenever I find myself in a previously unvisited house. This is the closest I get to being a snoop. You can tell a lot about people by their choices of reading and listening material. Perhaps the hypothetical visitors to this site (outside of the people who already know me) will be able to get in some good snooping time by reading my obsessive little lists.

cds I listened to while thinking of other things to make lists of: Laibach "s/t", Ratos de Porao "Periferia - 1982", Carolyn Hester "The Tradition Album", Sviraj "Ciganine" and Frankie Armstrong "Till the Grass O'ergrew the Corn"

now: Michael Nyman "The Piano" soundtrack

It figures...

A couple of days ago I noticed that the Powers That Be had erected a shiny new yellow neon crosswalk sign to preside over their freshly painted new crosswalk. It was one of those signs that could be seen from a half mile away, so bright did it shine... Then, today as I drove home from work I noticed that at some point over the last day or so some genius had not stopped at the crosswalk. The shiny new sign lay on its face, with a big dent in its pole. They're going to have to erect stronger signs if they want them to survive the mean streets of our little community.

cds I listened to while stopping at crosswalks: Opeth "My Arms, Your Hearse", and "Still Life", Nurse With Wound "Thunder Perfect Mind", The Black Lily Sisters "Night With Her Train of Stars and Her Gift of Sleep" and one that I really don't know the title to because, like many Americans, I am sadly monolingual., Yma Sumac "Legend of the Sun Virgin", and Carolyn Hester "s/t"

now: Santa Sangre soundtrack

I did a little searching around, and discovered that the title of the Black Lily Sisters cd mentioned in the last post is "Saigo Wa Tenshi". The internet is a wonderful tool. I still have no idea what it means though.

Leaves are gathering atop the squirrel, forming a blanket that will never keep him warm. Elsewhere and slightly later, I saw a gopher being hounded by two very interested cats. The mostly black cat kept rushing up to the little rodent and nearly getting his nose nipped. The tan and white cat hung back a bit, choosing to let his compatriot do all of the dirty work. I contemplated an attempted rescue, but decided that it was not my place to interfere. The cats, after all, have to eat - and from the look of things, the gopher was holding his own. I'm sure it didn't last though. Gophers are slow moving, and this one seemed a bit confused about what to do.
Later still, I was on the freeway and for the second time in my life I hit a raccoon. I saw a split second of brown movement and then came the impact. Just another in a long series of little lives lost to traffic. At least it was fast. I think I'd rather go like that than be played with by a couple of cats. Not that we ever have a choice.

cds I listened to while meditating on mortality: Kukl "Holidays in Europe" and "The Eye", Nurse With Wound "Second Pirate Session", Sui Vesan "Sui", and The Black Lily Sisters (aka Les Soeurs De Lilis Noires) "s/t"(? - again, my inability to read japanese may be hiding the title from me)

now: Howard Shore/Ornette Coleman "Naked Lunch" soundtrack

The squirrel was still there, but had been kicked aside like yesterday's paper. It's still cold, and the moon is a fingernail paring.

We brought in the two bookcases that have been gathering dust in the garage. Unkie Jay helped us. We then managed to completely redo the front room, and I'm really happy with the way it looks now. The bookcases are still mostly empty, but the possibilities of what we can do with all of that extra shelf space are intoxicating. I'm looking at the piles of cds in the corner by the bed... Or perhaps books... or videos... At any rate, it's one more thing we can cross off our "to do" list. I think I'll do that right now. Hold on... And now, glowing with a sense of accomplishment, I think I'll go read the new Thomas Ligotti book I got in the mail the other day.

cds I listened to while wishing somebody would do something about that little dead squirrel: Dulce Pontes "O Primeiro Canto", Scott Kelly "Spirit Bound Flesh", Kirvasto "Taydellisia Kysymyksia, Taydellisia Vastauksia", Ninewood "New Can of Ice", and G.I.S.M. "SoniCRIME TheRapy" (holy shit! This will peel the skin off your ears... brought all the way back from Japan by my friend Jeff. Thanks Jeff.)

now: Kodo vs Yosuke Yamashita "In Live"

It was cold and clear tonight, and looks like it will be so for the rest of the week. There was a dead squirrel in a parking lot, looking like he had decided to take a nap. Poor little guy.

Matt, Greg, and I got together for a preliminary rehearsal for the upcoming Irr.App.(Ext.) live debut. We tootled away on our tin whistles and plotted and planned. It was decided that we needed more scorpions, so Matt and I went to East Bay Vivarium to inspect their supply. They had a really cool Goliath Bird-eating spider, and a Hissing scorpion, and a Thai something-or-other Edible spider (very pretty), but they all had red dots on their enclosures, which means that they are aggressive and/or toxic. Not good pets to own around kids. Same goes for the Beaded lizard, which I hadn't known was legal to sell, since they are venomous. He was cute though, looking for all the world like the Doggie in the window that wants to go home with you. The fact that he was venomous and priced at $1500.00 meant that he stayed where he was. Of additional interest was the Trans Pecos Rat snake, who looked just like the rat snake currently sleeping in the cage next to the computer. I had thought he was a Black Rat snake - now I think he's a Trans Pecos Rat snake. Only he knows for sure.

The continuing soundtrack to my labors: Neurosis "Sovereign", "Locust Star", and "A Sun That Never Sets", Opera IX "The Black Opera: Symphoniae Mysteriorum in Laudum Tenebrarum", Andrew King "The Amfortas Wound", Lo'Jo "Boheme de Cristal", Steve Von Till "As the Crow Flies", and King Crimson "In the Court of the Crimson King"

now: Africa - Music from the Nonesuch Explorer Series

Some of the trees are already in bloom. I love walking into their area of influence at night - I don't actually stop and smell the flowers, but I maybe slow down a little bit. I think the fact that January is so warm is fooling the plants. That said, I think I'll go read for awhile.

cds listened to while smelling the flowers: Kecak - the Choral Drama of Singapadu Village, Areski et Brigitte Fontaine "je ne connais pas cet homme", Nightwish "Angels Fall First", Kodo "Kaiki", Keuhkot "Ruskea Aikakirja", and Nurse With Wound "An Awkward Pause"

now: Fern Knight - Mp3 from forthcoming release

I met Big Bird today. Sort of. Okay, so it wasn't really Big Bird. It was Caroll Spinney, who spends much of his life hiding inside Big Bird. When he's not hiding inside Big Bird, he's in that trash can underneath Oscar the Grouch. When he's not doing either of these things, he's walking around museums. Today he was at our museum. He told me to "keep up the good work." I told him the same thing. What was I doing to inspire such a comment from such an esteemed individual? I had mixed together Elmer's glue with Ivory Snow soap and added water, and was dipping the resulting stretchy, rubbery strands of no-longer-sticky glue in white paint and painting pictures with them. Oh yeah, I was also helping some kids thoroughly decimate a couple of cans of shaving cream. ...and I get paid for this!

I figured out that on the days when I go to both jobs I drive a total of 115 miles.

cds I listened to while driving 115 miles: Ulver "Lycantropen Themes", My Dying Bride "The Light at the End of the World", Nightwish "Sleeping Sun", Louisa John-Krol "Alexandria", Vera Bila & Kale "Kale Kalore", Giya Kancheli "Caris Mere", and Keuhkot "Mita Otat Mukaan Muistoksi Sivistyksesta"

now: Custer LaRue "The Demon Lover"

testing... onetwothree. Okay, it works again...

At exactly 1:11 this morning my odometer clicked over to 222222. I drive a lot. At the time, I was drinking a Basil Seed Drink with honey. It is interesting indeed how each individual basil seed is coated with a gelatinous substance. Yummy.

cds I listened to while drinking my drink: Radio Tarifa "Cruzando el Rio", In Slaughter Natives & Deutsch Nepal "Mort aux Vaches", Misia "Paixoes Diagonais", and My Dying Bride "Like Gods of the Sun"

The only good thing about the Stuporbowl is that it keeps all of the idiots off the streets for an afternoon. The worst thing about the Stuporbowl is that all of those idiots come spilling out into the street as soon as the game is over. I heard on the news that a bunch of the aforementioned people showed their great refinement and compassion by trashing a good part of Oakland. It may be a bit elitist to say this, but one can often gauge the worth of a particular type of entertainment by observing the actions of its fans. You don't see people pouring out of the opera house and overturning police cars. You don't see people leaving the symphony and breaking out all of the windows at the nearest McDonald's. You hardly ever see people rampaging out of a play and venting their passions on public property. People don't do doughnuts in intersections after an invigorating day at the museum. People don't even do this sort of stuff after heavy metal shows. And it doesn't seem to matter what team wins. I knew, even before I turned on the radio, that there would be reports of rioting in the streets. Now don't get me wrong, there are things worth rioting over, but a bunch of overpaid guys running around on field with a turd-shaped ball is not one of them. If these people like this game so much, why don't they use up some of their excess energy by actually PLAYING it! What is the big deal about watching other people play it and getting so worked up that you have to go break things afterward? The announcer on the radio mentioned that 400 police officers were needed to watch the streets in Oakland after the game... and that wasn't enough. I wonder how many other crimes were committed while the cops were watching the morons who thought it would be cool to hoot and holler and break things in the streets. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention, they also apparently started a lot of fires. And people wonder why I think organized sports are so stupid. That said, I realize that not everybody who likes watching games is a moron. It's just that the morons are louder and more visible than the more responsible fans. And there are so many of them. And boy are they dumb. Some of them may even make that ignoramus in the White House seem semi-intelligent. Rant over.

In other news, the python tried to eat my hand today. I must be getting slow, because this is the second time in less than a month that he has latched onto me. Oh well, at least I no longer have anything venomous.

cds I listened to while grumbling about the senseless stupidity of certain people: My Dying Bride "The Angel and the Dark River/Live at the Dynamo", In Slaughter Natives "Sacrosancts Bleed" and "Purgate My Stain", Ratos De Porao "Feijoada Acidente?", Lake of Tears "The Neonai", and Radio Tarifa "Temporal" ...and I didn't even feel like wrecking anything after I listened to these!!

now: Heavenly Voices vol.2

Tonight all of the police were in one place - right in the middle of my route. They were walking in the road, leaning against their cars, and shining their flashlights everywhere. I don't know who they were looking for, and knew better than to ask. I'm pretty sure it was the driver of the car that sat perpendicular to the lanes in the middle of the road. It looked burned, but I'm not sure... This meant, of course, that if I had the desire to do so, I could break all sorts of laws elsewhere on my route with impunity. It's good to know where all of the cops are. I wish it happened more often.
Yesterday a man in a trailer park yelled and ran after me. I let him run a bit before stopping to see what he wanted. He just wanted to tell me that he didn't take the paper. I had been delivering one to his address, but it was somebody else's name on the label. That makes this the second time this had happened recently. The other time the person just called in and said that the name was fictitious and that the paper was jamming their gate. I'm glad it was jamming their damn gate because their house is really ostentatious - it even has those stupid lion statues on either side of the front walk. And their gate - it's across their driveway! What? Don't they trust their neighbors? I think I'm getting all of these fake subscriptions because somebody somewhere is looking at a really old list of people who used to take the paper and just signing them up again. This would explain why I'm delivering a paper with "Hilton" on the label to the Four Points Sheraton hotel. Somebody is picking that one up though. ...probably the janitor.

Oh, and we heard from medi-cal. Our total bill for Jen's hospital stay is a whopping.... $0.00000. I guess that means we're poor.

cds I listened to while trying to decide which laws to break: In Slaughter Natives "Enter Now the World", My Dying Bride "Turn Loose the Swans", Lake of Tears "A Crimson Cosmos", Mellow Candle "Swaddling Songs", and Radio Tarifa "Rumba Argelina"

now: Heavenly Voices vol.1 compilation

So, what does a toad look like under a microscope? Imagine a green mountain range, with little black spots on top of each of the mountains, and you've pretty much got it. The things I do at work to keep myself amused...

The damn plumber didn't show up today, so we're still down one toilet and a garbage disposal. The house is clean though. Sort of.

cds I listened to while wondering what my job would look like under a microscope: Sibeba "Hijas Del Sol", In Gowan Ring "The Glinting Spade" and "Compendium 1994-2000", Hijas del Sol "Kotto" (Sibeba under their original name...), In My Rosary "Those Silent Years" and "Under the Mask of Stone", and In Slaughter Natives "s/t"

now: Mychael Danna "The Sweet Hereafter" soundtrack

Last night, the forecasters didn't mention rain, and it rained. Tonight, they predicted rain, and it didn't. Instead, we got a night that was a bit foggy around the edges, but not foggy enough to be really interesting.

We managed to get the house looking pretty good today in preparation for calling the landlord to come fix one of our toilets. I even moved all of the arthropods into our bedroom, since the landlord doesn't know they reside here. Most landlords would be understandably upset upon finding out about a tenant's pet cockroaches. I probably wouldn't even get a chance to explain the difference between my cockroaches and the ones who live under refrigerators and eat questionable things found in the vicinity of the bathroom. I also, in all likelihood, would not get a chance to explain that the large scorpion is not dangerous. That's why they're all back in the bedroom with me.
Outside, the various bulbs are coming up along the walkway. There's even some grass starting to grow in the backyard.

cds I listened to while waiting for the rain that never came: B'eirth's Pscikadilik Psyrkuz II "Further Adventures of Wile and Wilder", Tony Wakeford "La Croix", Kirile Loo "Lullabies for Husbands", Libana "Fire Within", and Elliot Goldenthal "Frida" soundtrack (w/ Lila Downs!)

Now: Montserrat Figueras/La Capella Reial de Catalunya/Jordi Savall "El Cant de la Sibil-la 1"

I got surprised by a sudden rain storm tonight. I don't recall the forcasters mentioning it. Then again, they're wrong most of the time anyway. As I was driving around in the wetness, I passed by the same sign I pass by every night: Stop For Pedestrian. Does this mean, I thought to myself, that I get to choose which one to stop for? If I successfully stop for one pedestrian, am I then supposed to not stop for any subsequent pedestrians? It's a good thing it's the middle of the night and there are never any pedestrians around. Maybe I should just bring along a magic marker or some spray paint and make the damn sign plural.

At the museum today I was playing a selection of cds from around the world, as I usually do when I'm in the Early Childhood Center, when a woman asked, "what is this noise?" I knew from the start that she was going to be negative person. I told her it was throat singing, and explained what it was. It didn't seem to impress her much. She then asked, as if she could stump me, "what is the educational value of this?" I looked her in the eye and, since I could see that she didn't really want information, gave her the one word answer: "multiculturalism". You can't argue with multiculturalism. Especially on Martin Luther King day. She left soon afterwards.
I used to deal with people like this all of the time when I worked in a bookstore. Why don't people just come right out and say they don't like something? I would respect that a lot more than all of this beating around the bush. People used to ask what the music was just so they could complain about it. If you don't like something, why do you care what it is? And why are people so quick to shut down to new kinds of music? Okay, only a few people who come to the museum have a problem with the music - usually people really like it, and even write down the artist(s) so they can go buy the cds. I guess it takes all kinds...

cds I listened to when nobody was around to complain about them: Tarantula Hawk "s/t", Hooo "Veil Static", Kirile Loo "Saatus", Sol Invictus "In Europa" (the second half of this contains live songs from a concert I saw the first time I went to France - so I was actually "In Europa". ha ha), and Mariza "Fado em mim"

now: Montserrat Figueras "The Voice of Emotion"

It's foggy outside.

HEY GEORGE! WHAT WOULD MARTIN DO???

cds I listened to in the fog: Ratos De Porao "Guerra Civil Canibal", L'Orchestre Noir "11", My Dying Bride "As the Flower Withers", and Vladimir Vissotski "Le Vol Arrete"

now: Great Voices of Fado - Vol.2

I stayed up late last night enjoying the fact that this computer is now equipped with speakers, which Jen got me for Christmas. She also got me a cd burner and an Mp3 player, which aren't hooked up yet. This is going to give me all sorts of new ways to obsess over music. Now I get to pop around to various web sights and listen as well as look. I'll try to restrain myself somewhat. I do, after all, have a small bit of music on cd. I even have a few records... and some tapes. I'm just another Luddite pushed out into the glaring light of the future. I hope I don't go blind.

cds I listened to while wishing I had sunglasses: Mary Throwing Stones "Gerta", Puri-do "The Perpetua Reel...", Irr.App.(Ext.) "Their Little Bones, Becoming Sharp, Find Repose but Fail to Avoid Worrying A Breach In the Ghostly Skin the Which Separates that Above From That Below (This Being the Last and Final Seal) and Whereupon All Light Evacuates the Furnace. Several Consequences Ensue", Nurse With Wound/Aranos "Santoor Lena Bicycle", My Dying Bride "Symphonaire Infernus et Spera Empyrium", "The Thrash of Naked Limbs", and "I Am the Bloody Earth", and Inna and the Farlanders "The Dream of Endless Nights" (and endless cd titles...)

now: In Gowan Ring "The Twin Trees"

It is actually starting to feel like january now.

I got my W-2 form from the museum today, and noticed that for some reason the amount of my annual wages deducted for federal income tax was... wait for it... $1.41. Nothing has changed since last year. Has there been some sort of mistake? I've got to change my withholdings anyway, since I'm married now. Of course, if they withhold any less, they'll have to actually give me extra money. I think, also, that this will be the first year where I will have made less than the previous one. I hate taxes. Nobody ever spends the money on the things I want them to spend it on. I hate the thought of any of my money helping fund the current gung-ho bullshit let's-bomb-people-in-other-countries-because-my-daddy-missed-the-head-honcho-when-he-was-president. I keep hearing about troops being sent overseas. How many people will die? and for what exactly? Don't hand me those lines about peace and freedom. I don't believe them. Our freedoms are being compromised, and war doesn't lead to peace. War only leads to more war. Look at all of the other conflicts in the world today. Some of them have been going on for a really long time now. Peace and freedom indeed. More like money and revenge. This governmental nepotism and arrogance is going to kill a lot of people over the next few years - perhaps even more than it has killed already. Okay, rant over. For now.

cds I listened to while wishing I was in charge of spending the government's money: Lauren Hoffman "Megiddo", Ilgi "Speleju Dancoju", Hoelderlin "Live Traumstadt" and "Hoelderlins Traum", and Muzsikas "The Prisoner's Song"

now: Rustavi Choir "Alilo - Ancient Georgian Chorales"

It was cooler tonight, with a waxing moon. It still doesn't feel like january though.

We're determined to get through all of the things on our "to do" list. We've already marked off a few. The yard and the garage still remain in chaos though. The yard is obscured by bits of the local palm trees and a spongy carpet of pine needles, not to mention the two halves of our Christmas tree and pieces of the fence separating our yard from the neighbor's. And of course there are the ever-present toys, which stand out like neon punctuation in the stream-of-consciousness novel of our yard. The garage is worse. It is where, for the past year, we have dumped everything that doesn't fit in the house. It is where two towering bookcases await, and where an immense plexiglass terrarium begs to be filled with toads or tortoises or whatever else we finally decide to populate it with. It is where all of the little red lava rocks (and attendant dirt) reside in torn plastic and paper bags, because we have no idea what to do with them. Maybe we should just put them all back out front. It's just that they looked kind of ugly there. Maybe I'll find an S.U.V. with an unlocked door so I can fill it with rocks and dirt (I have all sorts of evil ideas that I will never actually act upon, but its fun to think about them...). The garage is also where an unstable mountain of cardboard rests, waiting its turn to be recycled. It is where a lot of things will probably remain untouched until we move.

Goodnight.

cds I listened to while putting on an extra jacket: High Tide "Precious Cargo", Robyn Hitchcock "Perspex Island" and "I Often Dream of Trains", Motorhead "Overnight Sensation" and "We Are Motorhead", and Joe Hisaishi "Princess Mononoke - Symphonic Suite"

now: La Reverdie "Bestiarium"

The night was warm again, and overcast. That strange, indefinable smell is still in the air. Maybe it's the winds of change, although it evokes a sense of nostalgia.

I went with Jen and the kids to the chiropractor today. I even let her talk me into giving me a free exam, although I'm not sure when I will ever have time to go back three times a week like she wants me to. I'm of two minds about going anyway. I love the whole concept of natural healing. I've always believed that our minds are primarily responsible for healing. Pharmaceuticals can be risky, and sometimes even worse (just look at what happened to Jen over the holidays...). Why pay others to fix you when your own mind can do the job just as well, or better? That said, I tend to run screaming from anything that smacks of New Age (does that make me a new ageist?). The chiropractor had a fighting fish in her office. Named Zen. I told her that Zen was a strange name for a fighting fish. She said that he was a peaceful warrior. Of course, this is only because he was alone in his bowl. I'm going back for another visit (my back is actually not in the best of shape...) and we'll see how things progress. I haven't made up my mind yet...

Sophie spilled water all over the nice floor in the waiting room.

cds I listened to while being warm in january: Shirley Collins "Within Sound" disc four, Neurosis "Through Silver in Blood", Marta Sebestyen "Kismet", and Howard Shore "Lord of the Rings - The Two Towers" soundtrack

now: Michael Nyman "Prospero's Books" soundtrack

There's a smell in the air - part rain and part something indefinable. It reminds me of when I was young; when the seasons took their time. Jen and I watched a perfect sunset today, without ever noticing the sun. The clouds, some far away and some appearing to be quite close, produced a layered effect that was quite beautiful. They were more yellow than they were orange or red.

We went to a childbirth class on saturday (very early on saturday, I might add) taught by our midwife, Veronika. I think it was the first time I've seen a video of a child being born. Very interesting. I can't wait to participate in the real thing. I hope all goes well.

Matt and I went and saw Rabbit-Proof Fence this weekend, and later Jen and I watched Where the Green Ants Dream. These films would make a great double-feature, as they both cover the same territory, both literally and otherwise. Both deal with the injustices heaped upon Australian Aborigines. The former is based on true story about three half-caste Aborigine girls who run away from a school (whose aim is to strip them of their culture and replace it with that of the "dominant" race) and walk home (a mere 1,200 miles). This bullshit attempt at genocide went on until 1970! The latter focuses more on the complete lack of cultural understanding between Aborigines and the other people who came much later and decided that they wanted to take over and tell everybody else what to do.

cds I listened to while enjoying (for once) the way the air smelled: Neurosis "Enemy of the Sun", High Tide "The Flood" and "A Fierce Nature", Shirley Collins "Within Sound" disc 3, and Motorhead "Sacrifice"

now: "Constellation - Music Until Now" compilation

It rained today/night, and the streets are gleaming. The cloud cover kept the temperatures at an agreeable level.

At the museum, with nothing much to do, I found myself examining my pocket change under a microscope. Old Honest Abe appeared to be under attack from some sort of giant amoeba. He also sported scars from past battles - perhaps from tussling with other common items found in one's pockets (string or nothing?). I think I'm going to start washing my hands more often. I'm appalled at the state of our coins. Then I got to realizing that some of the coins in front of me had been on Earth longer than I have. It makes me think about all of the hands they've passed through, and all of the hands yet to come. There's a story in there somewhere...

cds I listened to while getting slightly wet: High Tide "Sea Shanties/High Tide", Shirley Collins "Within Sound" disc two, Motorhead "Bastards" (...and yet it has a song on it that brings tears to my eyes...), Ratos De Porao "Carniceria Tropical", and Neurosis "Souls at Zero"

now: In Gowan Ring "Hazel Steps through a Weathered Home" (one of 2002's best)

The other day I was playing my mouth harp at the museum when a woman asked me what it was called. I told her that it was a mouth harp, or mouth organ, or a jew's harp, depending on who you asked. I had grown up hearing it referred to as a jew's harp. This perturbed a Hasidic Jewish guy sitting across the room. He said it was a derogatory term, and proceeded to compare it to other similar terms. Being curious, and hoping to learn something new, I asked him if he knew the origin of the term, and why it was considered offensive. He launched into a rather garbled explanation about poor people and gypsies. Apparently it is an instrument that was used by people who couldn't afford anything better. I'm still not clear on why that makes the term offensive, unless you find poor people or gypsies offensive. I do know, however, that to refer to being ripped off as being "gypped" is offensive because it lumps all gypsies together as being dishonest. I found out later, while talking to my coworkers, that this is not common knowledge either. Then again, one of my fellow museum employees thought the Jewish man was Amish.
Today, the husband of the lady who brought us new improved sand (not carcinogenic) for our sand table showed me his chipped tooth - he had cracked it with a mouth harp at the tender age of seven. These darn instruments are all sorts of trouble. ...fun to play though. ...and it's amazing how many people have never seen one.

Tonight was a bit warmer than last night, and there was a slight sprinkling of rain. Jen is feeling better. This makes me happy.

cds I listened to while trying not to offend anybody: Kristin Hersh "A Cleaner Light", "Murder, Misery, and then Goodnight", and "Like You", Ratos De Porao "Descanse Em Paz", Shirley Collins "Within Sound" disc one, Motorhead "1916", High Tide "Interesting Times", and Sol Invictus "In A Garden Green"

now: Michael Nyman "Six Days Six Nights" soundtrack

I wonder if the person who placed the "no stopping any time" sign less than two feet in front of a stoplight had a chuckle. I noticed it today, right around the corner from home, and it struck me as amusing.

Everybody else is asleep right now, which hopefully means that Jen is feeling okay. I think I'll go have a shower now. Goodnight.

cds I listened to while working while you were all asleep: D. Braxton Harris "Deep Dark Black" (I bought this in a record store in Austin and the guy behind the counter did a double take and told me that he hoped I liked it - it turned out he was none other than D. Braxton Harris himself), Kristin Hersh "Strings", Motorhead "Another Perfect Day" and "No Remorse", Bukkene Bruse "The Loveliest Rose", and Loretta Lynch "demo"

now: Michael Nyman "Time Will Pronounce"

I have $26.76 in my pocket. I'm not usually sure how much money I have at any given time, so I checked. I think it's time to start keeping closer tabs on where all of this damn money goes. It should be interesting.

Can obsession be a good thing? Take Wilson Bentley (the subject of "Snowflake Bentley" - the book currently featured at the museum, and the basis for a lot of the projects I will be facilitating during the following months...). At an early age, he became obsessed with snowflakes. It was he who discovered that no two were alike. He spent his life photographing them, and left behind a legacy of beauty and knowledge. In my mind, there is no question that Bentley was obsessed with his work, which seemed trivial to those around him. He died of pneumonia after walking through the snow doing what he loved. Maybe obsession is only a good thing for those on the outside of the equation. Maybe not.

We're having problems getting online at home for the moment, so I'm writing this from work. Jen's still not feeling well. She had a day or so where she felt pretty good, but the nausea keeps coming back. She's visited a chiropractor and gone back to have more blood drawn (part of ongoing monitoring to make sure none of the scary symptoms recur). We took the kids along for the ride, and Sophie delighted in charging up and down the hospital corridors. Much to her delight, I picked her up and ran with her for awhile, hoping that the sight of a running man with a baby under his arm wouldn't get me jumped by security. After all, there are signs in all of the maternity rooms directing new mothers to be careful who they hand off their newborn children to.

Maybe tomorrow will be a better day. Oh well, to work, to work.

The night is relatively warm, and somewhere a little fingernail of moon shines down. I brought Jen home on friday, but she is still nauseous a good part of the time. At least she is home. I think of all of the people who are stuck in the hospital. Some will spend the rest of their lives in one. I wonder what happened to the wife of the man I met outside the emergency room last week. He said she was pregnant and bleeding a lot, in addition to being diabetic. He was also asking for spare change so he could get something to eat. The cynic in me wondered if he had realized that people hanging around emergency rooms were likely to be in a more tender emotional state than people hanging around, say, a McDonald's. Maybe it was a scam. Probably not. At any rate, I gave him ninety-five cents and, after thinking for a moment, a couple of avocados and some pita bread. He seemed really happy about the avocados. I wish him and his wife well. I wish my wife would get well. It's hard to think of other things - they seem trivial somehow - when a loved one is ill.

I took the kids to the museum on saturday, which turned out to be the busiest I've seen the place in ages. I had forgotten about the Three Kings celebration, which is a big hispanic cultural event that draws hundreds of extra visitors to the museum. Sophie fell asleep in the car and I carried her around that way for about a half an hour until she woke up. I managed to not lose any of the kids in the crowds, thanks in part to the fact that we spent about half the time there in the back room hanging out with Lisa, who, along with Lexy, has developed a game called Stuck-to-the-Wall, which involves (you guessed it) getting stuck to the wall. Sophie tromped around and created mayhem. Then we went out and played on the lawn. Sophie loved watching the planes fly over (the museum is right under the flight path for planes landing at San Jose International airport). Nathan got kissed on the cheek by a girl and, predictably enough, hated it. Lexy got upset when the girls He and Nate were playing with didn't want to play 20 questions. Sophie ran around in circles and laughed.

cds I listened to while realizing that 2003 is really just an arbitrary number on a calendar: Marta Sebestyen "Apocrypha", Hagalaz' Runedance "On Wings of Rapture" and "Urd - That Which Was", Ale Moller "The Horse and the Crane", S:t Jacobs Chamber Choir w/Lena Willemark & Bo Hansson "Andetag", and Iva Bittova, Nederlands Blazers Ensemble "Dance of the Vampires"

Now: Marta Sebestyen "Muzsikas"

What good can come out of our experience? Maybe the next time a pregnant woman with similar symptoms ends up at this hospital, the staff will remember us and not be so puzzled. Maybe we'll end up saving a future resident of this planet from arriving before his or her appointed time.

Jen is still in the hospital, feeling queasy. I stopped by twice today - the first time she was asleep in a darkened (for once) room. I watched her sleep for a moment or two and quietly left. I'm glad she is getting some sleep. Speaking of sleep, I'm going to go do just that. It's been a long day.

Were into the second hour of the new year now. The little ones are sleeping restlessly in the next room. Jen is in the hospital, and has been since Christmas morning. I really started to worry on Christmas eve, when she drifted off into delerium while wrapping presents. At this point, she could barely talk because of her sore throat, and was starting to write strange things on the little Christmas labels before sticking them on presents. She insisted that she was all right as I helped her into our bed. She fell asleep immediately, and I kept an eye on her as her brother Jason and I finished wrapping and distributing presents as best we could.

The kids had a great time unwrapping their gifts in the morning. Jen was throwing up again, despite having nothing in her stomach. I took her to the emergency room, leaving the kids in the care of Jason and Cindy, Jen's mother (both of whom have been absolutely invaluable over the last few days). Once there, we were put in a room and seen relatively quickly. They nurses took some blood and ran some tests. We waited. The next thing we knew, a worried looking young doctor was telling us that Jen's platelet count was low and that they might have to induce labor. We were stunned. The baby isn't due to be born until April 15th. Here we were on Christmas day suddenly facing the prospect of forcing our girl out of the womb into a world that she wouldn't be prepared for for another three and a half months. They told us that they suspected Jen had a condition called HELLP syndrome, which is a form of pre eclamcia (sp?). Essentially, Jen's body was thought to be reacting against the pregnancy in a way that would lead to continued depletion of platelets and red blood cells (caused by constriction of her blood vessels), liver damage (possibly leading to rupture, we found out later), kidney damage, elevated blood pressure, and more. A doctor explained to us what to expect in an infant born this prematurely, and although she did her best to stress the positive side, a grim picture was painted. Babies born at 24 weeks have paper thin skulls, and are very susceptible to cranial bleeding. This bleeding can lead to a rather daunting number of physical difficulties, such as cerebal palsy, blindness, deafness, to mention a few
We ended up in another room, and they actually started the induction. Jen started having regular contractions, which she couldn't feel because of the muscle relaxants she was on. I called Veronika, our midwife, and she showed up about a half an hour later. The wait began. I called Jason and asked if he could bring a camera, which he did at about one in the morning. As horrible as things were, we still wanted to get pictures of the birth. The contractions continued. I fell asleep on the floor under some blankets. Veronika fell asleep in a chair. Nurses continued to extract blood at regular intervals to get new readings.
At some point, Jen summed it up very poignantly. Referring to our baby, she said, "she's so little. So perfect. So oblivious." Our baby, Harper, was on the verge of being introduced to an uncertain fate. She would undoubtedly have special needs. She would spend the first several months (at least) of her life in an incubator, assuming she survived at all. It felt like we were betraying her. It sounded like we had no choice. The only way to cure HELLP is to induce labor. Once the baby is born, the problem is solved. If the syndrome goes unchecked, it will kill the mother. A nurse told us that the only woman who had ever died in childbirth at this hospital had had HELLP. Her liver had ruptured.
Then the news came that subsequent blood tests showed platelet counts rising, and liver function improving slightly. This puzzled the doctors. HELLP doesn't get better without delivery. Doctors started conferring with each other. Second opinions were sought. I believe there may have been some arguments. Finally, a doctor, like an angel of mercy, came into the room and informed us that they were stopping the induction. We both wept with relief.
Over the following days, as Jen continued to improve, Cindy organized work shifts so that the other kids would be watched. She stayed overnight so I could stay with Jen, and so I could work. The kids are holding up surprisingly well, and I am learning first hand what Jen's day to day life is like (getting the kids to bed, comforting them in the night, and getting them up in the morning... oops, I mean them getting me up in the morning). I don't normally do this because of my strange work schedule. Cindy has been sleeping on the couch on the nights that I work, and Jason and Jen's half-sister Ashley have been helping out with morning duties, as has Karen. Karen, her husband Chris, and their daughters were here on friday (?) and then again on (minus Chris) monday.
It now looks like all of this mess has been caused by a reaction to the over the counter pain medication Aleve. They're keeping her in the hospital until everything is completely back to normal. Currently all of the counts are good, but she has a headache and a queasy stomach. We hope she comes home soon.

More to follow...

Jen has a bloody sore throat and a migraine headache that won't go away. The room I now sit in is a chaos of gifts and wrapping material. Christmas eve is upon us. I'm worried about Jen, but can do little about it, except try and distract the kids and let her get some rest. Of course, it's next to impossible to get rest when you're in pain. Why couldn't I have been the one to get sick? Dammit!

I got an unnofficial notification of my CBEST scores, excluding the results on the essay portion. I got a 75 out of 80 on the reading section, and a 71 out of 80 on the math. If I follow the explanation of the scores right, it doesn't matter what I get on the essays anyway, because the combined scores on the reading and math are already higher than the minimum score needed to pass.

The moon and clouds were beautiful tonight, but it was quite cold. The papers were 40 pages, which is quite tiny. We actually got Christmas bonuses too. ...and there was candy.

cds I listened to while digesting candy: Manilla Road "Spiral Castle", Fly Pan Am "Sedatifs en Frequences et Sillons", Sheila Chandra "Weaving My Ancestor's Voices", David Maranha "Noe's Lullaby", Mother Earth "Transitions", and Motorhead "On Parole"

now: Thighpaulsandra "I, Thighpaulsandra"

Like last week's loquacious security guard indicated, the security checkpoint disappeared over the weekend. The little booth is still there, but stands empty. Now anybody can just go right in. In fact, I saw a jackrabbit hopping around like he owned the place. Don't these people know that rabbits are a security threat? Look what they did to Australia...

Jen and I went and saw The Two Towers today (okay, yesterday, but you know what I mean...). Another three hours that went by too quickly, preceeded by 25 minutes (Jen checked the clock on her phone) of commercials and previews that went by much too slowly. The film twiddles with a few of the story threads from the book, but not annoyingly so. If anything, Peter Jackson has made it more suspenseful, and in some ways, more human. Not that I'm in any way maligning the source material, which still stands as one of my favorite books. It all makes me want to read more of the viking sagas...

cds I listened to while laughing at rabbits: Coil "20' to 2000", Mekong Delta "Pictures at an Exhibition", Mercyful Fate "Return of the Vampire", and Metallica "Garage Inc."

now: Paul Chain "Violet Art of Improvisation"

After the deluge of yesterday afternoon, the night was cold and mostly clear. I heard from a co-worker that there is snow on the hills surrounding the Bay Area, but haven't seen it for myself. There was another different security guard in the little security booth. This one seemed a little smarter than yesterdays guard. Still, the checkpoint is kind of like one of those clown cars - just when you think there will be no more guards, another one pops out.

I also managed to twist my ankle tonight. I wasn't even running when it happened. Now it's swollen and I'm limping. I uttered a few choice words when it happened.

cds I listened to while not putting any weight on my right foot: Sheila Chandra "Quiet", Fly Pan Am "s/t", Moller, Willemark & Gudmundson "Frifot", and Manilla Road "Atlantis Rising"

now: Sheila Chandra "Nada Brahma"

Here's a very astute quote from Bill Clinton: "How can they jump on (Trent Lott) when they're out there repressing, trying to run black voters away from the polls and running under the confederate flag in Georgia and South Carolina? Look at their whole record. He just embarrassed them by saying in Washington what they do on the back roads every day... I don't see what they're jumping on Trent Lott about."

It is thundering outside, and the gutters are flooding over. Jen's been having terrible migraines over the last couple of days, so I stayed home from the museum to help out. I actually managed to get out of bed early enough to take Lexy to school this morning, at which time the clouds where still merely threatening, albeit in a graceful sort of way. It was quite beautiful, with little curlicues of cloud marching across the sky.

Last night, the security checkpoint was still in place, with the fourth different guard in as many days. This one sat in his shack with a vapid expression, not seeming too sure of what action to take. finally, he pulled out his little flashlight, which he waggled in my direction. He then asked me to show some I.D., which is funny, because none of the other guards have bothered with this. I always wonder why there never seems to be any communication between security guards. Every night, they write down my licence plate number and call it in to some unseen supervisor. It's not like my routine varies. Why don't they just let each other know that the newspaper guy will be along at a certain time, so they don't have to look so befuddled when I approach the shack? It's irritating...

My front, passenger side automatic window has been threatening to cease functioning. It doesn't always roll up when I want it to. This is not good when it's pouring outside.

cds I listened to while perplexing the security guards: Sleepytime Gorilla Museum "live at the Bottom of the Hill, 6/21/02", Ian Carr & Karen Tweed "Fyace", Lena Willemark "Nar Som Graset Det Vajar", Do Make Say Think "Goodbye Enemy Airship the Landlord is Dead", Manilla Road "Mystification", and Coil "Love's Secret Domain"

now: Jim Matheos "First Impressions"

I woke up today just in time to see a short, but violent, hail storm. By the end of it all, there was enough ice on the ground to fashion crude snowballs. I have always loved violent weather. It serves as a reminder that we're not in charge, and it breaks routines. It also helps fill our reservoirs and turn the hills green.
Oh yeah, and it kills people. There was a short article in the paper today about a woman who ran off the road in the rain(sunday night?) and crashed into some trees. She either died on impact or some time later, but wasn't discovered until Caltrans workers came along to clear away the downed trees. This just struck me as particularly sad for some reason.

Okay, I can't think of a way to segue into a paragraph about Nathan's birthday, so I'll just blunder right on. He's four now, and we had a party at Chuck E. Cheese's. Jen, even though she felt absolutely miserable, saw it through to the end. I don't know if I could have done that, had I been as ill as she is. Sophie likes playing skee ball, but cheats.

Tonight, it rained off and on, and there was more lightning. It's even colder than last night.

cds I listened to while wishing I was dressed more warmly: Manilla Road "Open the Gates" and "The Deluge", Sleepytime Gorilla Museum "live at the Bottom of the Hill, S.F., 1/25/02", and Per Gudmundson "s/t"

now: Coil "Constant Shallowness Leads to Evil"

The night was alternatingly clear and cold, and spitting down rain. Most of the trees and branches from last night still litter the parking lots, but the lakes have diminished in size. For the second night, I had to stop at a new checkpoint before entering the campus of a certain well-known company that, amongst other things, manufactures weapons. I had resigned myself to having to stop at the damn thing every night from now on, but I figured I'd ask the guard if it was a permanent checkpoint. The answer: no, only until the weekend. Why? Because (guard's opinion) government inspectors are checking the company out and the extra security measures are just there to make the company look good.
Why is it that people, or conglomerations of people, only go that extra mile when they are being watched or think they are being watched? This is where threatening to punish your children backfires. It teaches kids to be sneaky. They focus on not getting caught rather than on changing the behavior. The threat of punishment doesn't teach children to do good because it is the right thing to do - it teaches them to do good because if they don't, somebody more powerful than them is going to do something bad to them. Then they grow up and become the heads of weapons manufacturing companies and only have tight security when they are being watched by somebody more powerful than themselves.
I'll now quote a line from one of my favorite films: "I am filled with confidence."

Of course, to be fair, this whole rant is only based on the opinion of one security guard. Maybe there's some sort of specific threat that made the extra security necessary. This doesn't make me jump for joy either. Why don't these companies make place mats or aquariums or something? Nobody would care if those got stolen, and they wouldn't have to hire all of these extra people to watch over them.

cds I listened to while once again swerving around debris: Godspeed You Black Emperor! "live at the Mercury Lounge, NYC, 11/6/99", Bathory "Nordland 1", Do Make Say Think "s/t", Tone Hulbaekmo & Hans Fredrik Jacobsen "Langt Nord I Skogen", and Kalenda Maya "Pilegrimsreiser"

now: Coil "Queens of the Circulating Library"

Now this is what I call a storm! I was going to settle down and read by candlelight, but the power just came back on, so I will now obsessively blog. I just spent a night swerving around countless branches, occasional downed trees, and a number of temporary lakes lurking blackly in benighted parking lots. I saw one or two toppled fences, a bunch of unidentifiable objects - probably parts of light fixtures - and one very dazed looking opossum sitting in the road. I had to make several detours to get around parking lots blocked by large, fallen trees or water too deep to drive through. Despite the inconvenience, it was all quite beautiful. Some of the roads were so choked with debris that I could almost imagine that they weren't roads at all. I hydroplaned most of the way home as waves of rain lashed the asphalt. I'm glad I got my car tuned up and my brakes re-fixed (they forgot to resurface the brake drums when I took my car in a couple of weeks ago). I payed for it all in an office illuminated by a shop light hooked up to a car battery. Everybody has been losing power over the last couple of days.

I can still hear the wind howling outside, and the night is lit by lightning.

Earlier, Greg and I (after helping our mom decorate a Christmas tree with pickles and rabbits and other odd things) traveled over the foggy hills to the fabled land of Felton, where we hiked about with Matt before retiring to the eccentric confines of the Saturn Cafe to discuss the upcoming Irr.App.(ext.) show. We're going to make odd noises and people are going to pay us to do it. Who could ask for more?

Then Greg and I came back here and Nathan nearly took out Greg's eye with a Christmas decoration. Despite all the rambunctious activity, nearly everybody in the house is sick. Jen and Lexy have it the worst. I am sending them healthy thoughts as I type, so that they may speedily recover. Lexy, the other night, after watching E.T. (which disturbed him) had a fever dream in which somebody was using E.T. as a croquet mallet. The dream scared him because he thinks E.T. looks "spooky". I wish I had cool dreams like that. The only dream I can remember lately is one where I shaved off my beard. How exciting!

cds I listened to while traveling to and from Felton and dodging tree bits: Shalabi Effect "s/t", Godspeed You Black Emperor! "Lift Your Skinny Fists Like Antennas to Heaven!", Tone Hulbaekmo "Kamma No...", Leif Edling "The Black Heart of Candlemass - demos and outtakes '83 - '99", and Manilla Road "Crystal Logic"

now: Lena Willemark & Ale Moller "Nordan"

It's raining outside, and the cloud cover has kept the temperature from dropping too far. I love the rain.

I'm glad that pathetic little nazi Trent Lott is stupid enough to let the general public know just where he stands on things. You would think that a party with people like him would cease to be viable. Instead, republicans are popping out of the woodwork like vermin, and doing more damage than vermin could ever hope to. I hate the fact that our daughter is going to be born into a world where people like George Bush are allowed to run things. I wouldn't allow little George to run an electric toothbrush. I just don't understand how anybody who claims to be intelligent can support this guy. If it weren't for his connections he'd be bagging groceries or pumping gas.

cds listened to while the rain drifted down: Loreena McKennitt "Live in Paris and Toronto", Tone Hulbaekmo "Svevende Jord", Lake of Tears "Lady Rosenred" and "Forever Autumn", Godspeed You Black Emperor! "f#a#infinity", and Lawnmower Deth "Kids in America"

now: Pete Haworth "Preserved"

It was another slow day at the museum today. I just sat with my spiders and watched the moon rise over the trees that line the Guadalupe river. It clothed itself in wisps of cloud as it slowly ascended. I spent a good amount of time trying to perceive its motion, but it always seemed to move during the times I was distracted by visitors.

At job number two, the papers were late, so this entry is a short one.

cds listened two roughly an hour and a half later that I would have liked to listen to them: A Silver Mt. Zion "He Has Left Us Alone But Shafts of Light Sometimes Grace the Corner of Our Rooms", Lacuna Coil "Unleashed Memories", Lake of Tears "Greater Art", and Tone Hulbaekmo "Kyrja"

We got to gaze at the life we created today. She (yes, she) is very active, swishing about in the amniotic fluid as if to say, "hey! I need more room!" It is a humbling experience somehow, to see this small, baby girl who is totally dependent on us for her well-being. She's not due to arrive in our world until April 15, but she's growing bigger as I type these words - even though she is still a resident of some other world that we have forgotten. I look forward to her arrival.

I did my last tour at Hidden Villa for the season today. I brought along the Black Widow and let her, and her egg sac, go in the wood pile near the goat pen. Good luck be with her.
The sheep were skittish. A little boy named Roy was knocked into the mud by one of them. He was not pleased.

I put out some of my holiday "service request" forms tonight. The idea is that the customers can comment on my service and, if they feel so inclined, tip me. I'll relate here any funny comments I get. Maybe somebody will rant. That's always amusing.

cds I listened to while selectively folding service request forms with the papers: Ghost "Tune In, Turn On, Free Tibet", Gila "Bury My Heart At Wounded Knee", Tone Hulbaekmo "Konkylie", Lacuna Coil "In A Reverie", and The Goblin Market "Ghostland"

now: In Gowan Ring "Hazel Steps Through A Weathered Home"

The tree is up and decorated, minus about two or three feet that had to be lopped off. Sophie takes great delight in yanking the strings of lights out of the lower branches. Hopefully she won't pull the whole tree over. My mom came over with ornaments for the kids. She drank tea. We drank Mexican hot chocolate. Life is good.

Jen and I braved one of the local malls today, and bought a few things. You know it's true love when I'll willingly go to a mall. Malls smell funny. The Christmas music is obnoxious. We grumbled together about the cookie-cutterness of our surroundings. Then we went home and ate burritos while listening to the Current 93 record I got in the mail today. Much better.

I saw that little owl again tonight. He flew away. What a nervous little bird he is.

cds I listened to while worrying owls: Loreena McKennitt "A Winter Garden", M. Gira "Living '02", Paul DiAnno & Killers "South American Assault - Live", Lacuna Coil "s/t", Masaki Batoh "Collected Works 1995-1996", and a cd that shall remain a secret

now: Sigillum S "Bardo Thos-Grol"

Outside, it looks and smells like it may rain soon.

The CBEST ended up being easier than the model tests in the preparation book. I'll be very surprised if I don't get a passing grade. I met a fellow worker, Kelly, in the mob outside the school. We must have been the only two Program Specialists at the museum not to have taken this test. A woman behind me was relating a story about a kid who bought a gum eraser and popped it in his mouth, thinking it was chewing gum. This was because the store where he had made the purchase evidently thought it was gum as well, and stocked it with the real gum.
That afternoon, I went up to Berkeley and saw Devendra Banhart perform at Mod Lang. He was quite entrancing, and very, very odd. Greg and Dawn were there too, and we ate crepes. Later, I bought a drink named Dave.

We went up into the hills and sawed down a Christmas tree today. Lexy's teacher, her husband, and their little dog came along as well. The weather was a lot warmer than we remembered it being during last year's tree hacking excursion. After a few side trips, we got the tree home. As I was getting it off the top of the van, I realized that it is at least a foot too tall to stand upright in our house. Tomorrow we must decide whether to lop off the top or the bottom.

I have to let the Black Widow go as well. She has produced another egg sac. I can't run the risk of the eggs hatching inside the house.

cds listened to while deciding where to take the Black Widow: Katatonia "Last Fair Deal Gone Down", Damon and Naomi with Ghost, Ghost "Temple Stone" and "Snuffbox Immanence", Coil presents Black Light District, and Vig Mihaly "Ciganydalok"

now: ELpH vs Coil "Worship the Glitch"

Today, the moon was a thin crescent, almost lost in the evening clouds.

I went to the semi-annual Hidden Villa volunteer appreciation party this (or should I say "yesterday") evening. Jen baked some brownies for me to bring but, due to her yoga class, couldn't attend herself. The brownies were yummy. The food table was sagging under the weight of various delectable delights. So was my plate. Soon after, so was my stomach. I felt well and truly appreciated.

Later, I surprised a small owl who was standing in the road. He took exception to my scrutiny and flapped lazily away.

cds I listened to while bothering owls: A tribute to Judas Priest, Vol.2, Katatonia "Brave Murder Day" and "Tonight's Decision", Alastair Galbraith "Talisman", Ghost "Second Time Around", and Heather Alexander "Midsummer"

now: Susanne Rosenberg "Uppa Marmorns Hoga Berg"

I had a cake with 35 candles on it. The boys got to lick them clean of chocolate after I blew them out. I get to sleep on new pillows tonight as well, and I have a cool new art set.

The Rat snake just shed for the second time since coming to join us. He's currently crawling around his cage looking for small mice. This means I have to go to the store soon. I took all of my spiders to the museum today, and sat with them in the garden. There were very few visitors, but those who did make it out found the tarantulas interesting. The Black Widow refused to eat in front of people. I spent the rest of the time collecting dead bees and studying for the CBEST. There were some good sized bees who looked like they were on their last legs, but I decided it was kind of creepy to stand over them with my little cup, waiting for them to expire. I forgot to go back and look later.

cds I listened to while anticipating a night of sleeping on my new pillows: Judas Priest "Hell Bent for Leather" (childhood nostalgia) and "Sad Wings of Destiny", Diamanda Galas "Malediction and Prayer" and "Plague Mass" (live at the Cathedral of St. John the Divine, NYC - Greg and I went there on a different date, and were duly impressed by the magnificence of the building - so much that we were later seen running around quite nude on Wall Street), and Paul Chain "Park of Reason" (a 90 minute cd! the last track is two songs, one on the left, and one on the right. Now that's value for your money.)

now: Loreena McKennitt "To Drive the Cold Winter Away"

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention - I'm now old enough to be president. Happy birthday to me.

Today was the second-to-last farm tour of the season. It consisted of nine first graders who, like most children their age, showed a great interest in cow flop. We found a fat Jerusalem cricket under a stump, and a few Darkling beetles under one of the foot bridges. Another stump gave us the opportunity to play Lorax for awhile, although it seemed that none of the kids had read the book. Why haven't most kids read The Lorax? Is it some sort of new conspiracy between public schools and the logging companies? Is George Warfare Bush behind it? What is going on here?

On the plus side, we got to eat sun-dried tomatoes fresh from the drying rack. Yum.

At the museum, I was studying the algebra section of the CBEST study guide when one of my co-workers, who had taken the test a couple of months ago, informed me that there wasn't a whole lot of algebra on it. It's just as well, I suppose. It's not a whole lot of fun trying to cram 12 years of math back into my head.

cds I listened to while not thinking about math: Ducasse compilation (disk 2), Judas Priest "Stained Class" (they once got sued for this one because some kid tried to kill himself with a shotgun after listening to it repeated times - Hey! junior is suicidal! It must be because of that damn heavy metal record. It can't be because we ignore him or because he's deficient in some way. Let's see how much money we can get from their record company), Rosalie Sorrels & Utah Phillips "The Long Memory", Diamanda Galas "The Litanies of Satan", Falu Spelmanslag "i stoten", and Heather Alexander "Life's Flame"

now: Corvus Corax "Die Konig der Spielleute"

I used to have to keep telling myself that life is a journey, not a destination. Then I would ask myself, "what the hell am I doing spending so much time engaged in activities (such as work) that hold no intrinsic appeal?" Why indeed... The trick is, of course, to find ways to liven up those moments of necessity induced tedium. This is why there is always a list of cds at the bottom of each entry. You can make me deliver papers, but you can't make me think about delivering papers. I am usually worlds away from the task at hand. I enjoy being out a night. I love watching the seasons change. I love listening to music. I don't have time to focus on things that bore me. Soon, if all goes well, I will have a different kind of job - one that will be more engaging and challenging. For now, though, I journey through the necessities of life with my eyes turned elsewhere...

I've just noticed that there is a message stating that, "sorry, publishing is temporarily unavailable". hmmm...

Sophie went out chalking today. Chalking, for those of you who don't know, is the act of applying chalk to all available surfaces. Sophie is good at this. She's also good at chocolate milking.

cds that held my attention more than the task at hand: In Gowan Ring "Hazel Steps Through A Weathered Home", Diamanda Galas "Schrei X", Utah Phillips "The Telling Takes Me Home", and Ducasse compilation (disk one)

now: Loreena McKennitt "The Visit"

We got to spend a fair amount of time relaxing together this weekend, watching movies and having a fire in the fireplace and just being together. They say that time is money, but now that I am making less money (thanks to an economy as shaky and nervous as a yappy little dog) and enjoying a bit more free time, I find that it is a good trade (at least for the time being...).

I spent some of this extra time reviewing elementary school level mathematics, which I haven't thought about since... elementary school. Next saturday I will regurgitate the results of all of this reviewing onto a scan-tron (will they use a scan-tron form?) while taking the CBEST. And after that, well, time and money will be adjusted yet again.

cds I listened to while earning money: Diamanda Galas "Saint of the Pit" and "You Must Be Certain of the Devil", Diamanda Galas & John Paul Jones "The Sporting Life", Varttina "Vihma" and "Ilmatar", and Utah Phillips "I've Got to Know"

now: Loreena McKennitt "Live in San Francisco"

We had a feast at Jen's mom's house, and a fine feast it was! I am very thankful for it. Even though this holiday is, in some ways, symbolic of the virtual genocide of the people who lived on this continent first, it is a good time to get together and reflect on what we are thankful for. At the same time, it would do us all good to reflect on the less than savory history of this country. It is always good to question things, especially governments. I am thankful that I have the right to question things, but sometimes I worry about how secure this right really is. We, in this country (some, not all), tend to take a lot of things for granted. One need look no further than the low voter turnout to see what I mean. We delude ourselves into thinking that things will stay pretty much the same no matter what we do. Maybe sometimes they do stay the same. But sometimes they don't. I notice in the news that the current administration is, piece by piece, undoing many of the things put in place by the previous administration. The trees that we thought were safe from loggers are going to end up as paper cups and reams of computer paper. Oil drills stand poised. Our privacy is in jeopardy. Emission standards have been relaxed. Damage is being done, and we're too passive to gather together in great enough numbers to do anything about it.

We have met the evil-doers and they is us. All of that "axis of evil" crap was just a ruse.

There was a picture in the paper today of Bush trying to pat the turkey he had just pardoned from the ax. The turkey was leaning away from his hand. I'll bet it was thinking, there's gotta be a catch. This guy never pardons anybody.

cds I listened to while digesting: Jag Panzer "The Fourth Judgement", Peter Frohmader "Homunculus + Ritual", Jaguar "Wake Me", Judas Priest "Sin After Sin", and Diamanda Galas "The Divine Punishment"

now: Loreena McKennitt "The Mask and Mirror"

You can see the little people out of the corners of your eyes. They're always there, doing their secretive little-people things. This involves spilling copious amounts of food on the floors, tearing anything made of paper into small pieces, and then scattering it to the four winds, and oftentimes the soiling of their own clothing. They must believe it is good luck to throw things over their shoulders, as this is the fate of most objects that come under their control. They also delight in hiding important household items, usually under cushions or behind chairs. Their culture is a strange one indeed. We must study their ways.

The temperatures have dropped. The moon has been halved. I don't have to work tomorrow night - something to do with the killing and eating of large birds.

cds I listened to tonight while wishing I had on warmer clothes: Fit & Limo "As Above So Below", The Flash Girls "The Return of Pansy Smith and Violet Jones", In The Woods... "Three Times Seven On A Pilgrimage", Flies Inside the Sun "Cactus Sky", Iron Maiden "s/t", and Paula Frazer "Indoor Universe"

now: Kate Price "The Isle of Dreaming"

Sophie has been pointing at our stomachs and exclaiming, "baby!" I think she knows that somebody new is going to show up, but isn't sure who this new person is hiding inside. She also reminded me to take my jacket to work tonight by saying "I gacket!" as I was about to leave. She's no dope.

I finally replaced my brake light bulb, and the porch light bulb. We all struggle to not let the little things overwhelm us, but, being little things, we often forget to do them until they gang up on us in the form of an all encompassing "big thing". I can intend to do something for months sometimes before actually doing it. It doesn't matter if it's something that takes less than a minute to do - it's all a matter of remembering at a moment when I can actually do it. I tend to think of things when I'm at work or about to go to sleep. This is why the little things often just do not get done.

cds I listened to while thinking about things that need to be done: Firewater "Psychopharmacology", Utah Phillips "Good Though!", Jarboe "Dissected - a collection of remixes", In the Woods "Strange in Stereo", and Varttina "Kokko"

now: Diamanda Galas "The Singer"

Jen and I went and saw Bowling for Columbine today, which we both agreed should be mandatory viewing in public schools. I won't say more than that. I'm glad it was a good film though, because we had to wait through one of those insipid, advertisement-laced slide shows, and then what seemed like another half hour of commercials. To top it all off, they have the nerve to call it "pre-show entertainment". This reminded us why the non-corporate movie theaters are so much better. It's the kind of thing that makes me just want to wait for the DVD release so I can rent it and not have to be a captive audience for all of this nauseating drivel. If there is a hell for the clowns who think up this kind of crap, then it is a movie theater that plays nothing but smarmy commercials for eternity.
Jen thinks that if they're going to show so many advertisements, then they should let us in free. I heartily agree.

It was cool and pleasant tonight, with some streets pleasingly carpeted with leaves. The fog was moving in just as I got home.

cds I listened to while driving over leaves: Neurosis "The Word as Law", In the Woods "Heart of the Ages" and "Omnio", and Firewater "The Ponzi Scheme"

now: Kate Price "The Time Between"

That damn gated community on my route seems to attract cops. Maybe people who have the poor judgement to live in such a monstrosity and pay outrageous amounts in rent also have poor judgement in other matters. Tonight I passed by as the cops were banging on some guy's door and then inviting themselves in. I remember another time, about thirty feet further into the complex, when I scared the shit out of a couple of cops who were obviously intent on searching for somebody. They didn't notice me until I was right on top of them. I'm lucky I didn't get shot. Now whenever I see police activity, I walk. Running silently up behind cops could be bad for my health.
Lockheed seemed to be a hub of police and fire engine activity tonight as well. I'm not sure why.

On my way to work, some guy in a truck right in front of my threw a cigarette out his window. On my way back from work, some guy in a truck right in front of me threw a cigarette out his window. Maybe it was the same guy. Wouldn't that be a strange coincidence?

There was a nice amount of fog over the valley tonight.

cds I listened to while appreciating the fog: In Extremo "Verehrt und Angespien", Utah Phillips "Making Speech Free", Firewater "Get Off the Cross... We Need the Wood for the Fire", In The Woods "A Return to the Isle of Men", and Mumble & Peg "All My Waking Moments in a Jar"

now: Kate Price "Deep Heart's Core"

It's almost time to throw out the jack-o-lantern. It no longer looks like Oscar the Grouch. Now it is sad and droopy and moldy. Jen mentioned the possibility of it staining the fence. I would have thrown it in the yard waste bin, but it has nails in it. Removing the nails will be an odious task. Next year I'll use something else for teeth. Maybe, just to mess with people, we should get some new pumpkins in december and have jack-o-lanterns for Christmas. We could put little halos over their heads. I love mixing up the holidays.

The moon has been quite lovely the last couple of nights.

cds I listened to under the light of the moon: Fire & Ice "Seasons of Ice" and "Birdking", Gjallarhorn "Grimborg", In Extremo "Die Verruckten sind in der Stadt", and Mago de Oz "La Leyenda de la Mancha"

now: Baraka soundtrack

There they were, with pale faces and shit-eating grins, all staring at me. There must have been eight or nine of them crowded into the alcove, clustered around doorways leading to apartments where people presumably slept.
I'm not sure why there were so many toilets in one place. Was it some sort of practical joke? Is one of the residents a plumber? Was I witness to the beginning of an invasion by beings who just happen to look like commodes? Will there be more of them tomorrow night?

Earlier in the day, a sheep took a liking to the way my hands smelled. I think she picked up on the scent of lanolin in the hand lotion I used earlier. Then the sheep peed, and you would have thought it was the high point of the tour I was leading. Pre-schoolers are so impressed by bodily functions.
Somewhere on the farm a lone frog was singing. There were a few Slender salamanders under the logs by the greenhouse, sharing their space with a couple of large centipedes and a number of crickets. The lizards have all but disappeared for the winter, even though the day was warm.

cds I listened to while wondering about toilets: Liar "Gone Too Far", Mumble & Peg "This Ungodly Hour", In Extremo "Weckt die Toten!", Low "Canada", Fire & Ice "Midwinter Fires", and U.Utah Phillips & Mark Ross "Loafer's Glory"

now: Lights in a Fat City "Memory Ground"

I saw a grand total of one meteor tonight.

In the dim past, families would gather around the fire at the end of the day and tell stories. These stories were passed down from generation to generation. Sometimes new stories were born, and old stories faded, or changed beyond recognition as storytellers added their own twists and personalities to the proceedings. Many of these stories were cautionary tales. Children, upon hearing a tale such as Little Red Riding Hood, would come away from the experience knowing that it is unwise to stray from the path, and even more unwise to consort with cross-dressing wolves. All was well and good until television came along. Now the kids gather around and watch "Land Before Time 5". What they're learning from it I just don't know.

cds I listened to while straining to see meteors: Fire & Ice "Blood on the Snow", Varttina "Oi Dai", Holocaust "The Courage to Be", Fire & Ice/Charlie MacGowan "California Daze", Tony Wakeford "Paris", and In Extremo "s/t"

now: Lights in a Fat City "Sound Column"

After a good night's sleep, I tried again, and lo and behold, it worked! I, like many people, do not have a full understanding of the tools I use on a day to day basis. If I click on a button while using the computer and nothing happens, I stubbornly click on it again and again, like a Neanderthal beating a fish against a rock. This doesn't usually help. Even Neanderthals, knitting their brows while wiping pulped fish off of their knobby hands, must have realized that sometimes a gentler touch is called for. In other ways, they were lucky. Prehistoric people, I'm reasonably certain, knew how to use, and fix, their tools. We, who live in a technological society, at best know how to partially use our tools. Forget fixing them. The flow of information has become so great that it threatens to carry us away over the roaring waterfalls of a new dark age. How comforting.

now: In Extremo "Hameln"

For some reason the entry I wrote a little while ago is languishing in the "post" window and will not, no matter what I do, allow itself to be published. I am vexed.

I've just read all of the stories that form the foundation of Batch 8 of the OAC's writings. Our ranks have swelled to nine, and is more than 50% female. Two of these people I have never met. One of them continues to be my brother. One of them is somebody I work with. One of them is my wife. One of them is a cat (or so he would have us believe). It's good to be underway again. When we're done with this batch we will have ninety new stories, a handful of which will eventually make it up onto the OAC site. Someday.

I've seen a couple of meteors over the last two nights. The Leonid meteor shower is supposed to be at its peak tomorrow night, in conjunction with the full moon, which will obscure all but the brightest meteors. Oh well.

cds I listened to while swerving to avoid possible meteorites: Varttina "Aitara", Fire & Ice "Runa", Utah Phillips & Ani Difranco "Fellow Workers", Godspeed You! Black Emperor "Yanqui U.X.O.", and Holocaust "Spirits Fly"

now: the best of Popol Vuh

It really is true what they say about the decline of pay phones. Maybe the fact that nearly everybody has a cellphone these days is to blame. Maybe not. Regardless of who's to blame, it is impossible to find a working pay phone in San Francisco. Not being able to contact my work, I left the show early, but not before seeing Steve Von Till, Scott Kelly, and Jarboe. Wow.

music I listened to while grumbling about outmoded technology: Kitka "Voices on the Eastern Wind", Liar "Devil Dog Road", Low live at the DNA lounge (thoughtfully broadcast live by the nice folks at KFJC, so I didn't have to miss them completely), Faust "So Far", Marianne Faithfull "A Secret Life", Fantomas "The Director's Cut", and Fifty Foot Hose "Sing Like Scaffold"

now: Popol Vuh "Das Hohelied Salomos"

Lexy has a brand new, shiny white, glow in the dark... cast! He scaled the heights of a tall fence at school and plummeted to the ground, cracking that little knob of bone at the end of the humerus. In the x-ray, it appears to be hanging off. He has also lost two baby teeth (not related to the fall). One of them is really lost, and may have been swallowed. The other one is in the hands of the Tooth Fairy. Jen commented that he's falling apart.

I saw a beautiful sunset today, in a strange sort of way. Inside the museum, we have an exhibit where kids can manipulate a roof-mounted camera and watch the results on a TV monitor. As I walked past the exhibit at closing time, the monitor displayed a brilliant, orange and red sunset. The only problem is that the camera was pointing east, so the sunset it was picking up was a mere reflection, broken into squares by the windows of the large office building across the river. As I looked at this image, I thought that it was a good metaphor for how many of us live our lives. Many things we experience are filtered and packaged. Information is interpreted (reflected) for us and broadcast into our homes. As anybody who has been part of something that makes the news can tell you, the information is nearly always distorted. Pure information doesn't always further the aims of the people providing it, so the news is squeezed to fit into the appropriate box. A case in point would be a protest against the Gulf war that I took part in. The news stations and papers seriously under-reported the number of people protesting. An illusion must be created that nearly everybody is in line behind the government as it rolls out its tanks and planes. Too many protesters could cause embarassment, a fact which we should take to heart in the coming months.
When I finally made it outside, the orange and red had leaked out of the clouds, leaving only grey silhouettes.

cds I listened to while experiencing life first-hand: Low "Trust", Holocaust "The Nightcomers", irr.app.(ext.) "ozeanische gefuhle" and "inception and silence undivided", and Black Heart Procession "Amore del Tropico"

now: Popol Vuh "Tantric Songs/Hosianna Mantra"

I remember being in preschool and being fascinated by rust and decay. There were a bunch of tricycles available for our use during the play periods. I remember a couple of kids with crewcuts always getting the "speedy" bikes, as they called them. It didn't matter to me, I always wanted the rusty, beat up old tricycle - the one that tended to lose wheels when ridden. There was a certain aesthetic to that worn out old trike that clicked with me. Maybe I was subconsciously drawn towards the underdog - the abandoned and unused. Things other kids wouldn't have anything to do with. As I grew older, this fascination would manifest itself in different ways - my choice of pets, the music I listened to, books I read... If too many people like something, then there has to be something wrong with it. Personal taste should not be decreed by some outside force - some marketing ploy. Do people really like the star with the flashiest ad campaign? The one with the sexiest outfit? ...or do they just think they do? Do the insipid songs on commercial radio overcome people's defenses through sheer repetition? Does the initial urge to regurgitate disappear after somebody in a DJ chair tells you that the song you just heard is an "instant classic"? These are the things I ask myself at four in the morning.

cds I listened to while driving around in my beat up old car: Hollenthon "Domus Mundi", and "With Vilest of Worms to Dwell", Utah Phillips & Ani Difranco "The Past Didn't go Anywhere", Tara Jane O'neil "TKO a record by tara jane oneil", irr.app.(ext.) "not hidden, but concealed" and "radiant black future...", and Varttina "Seleniko"

now: Popol Vuh "Coeur de Verre"

It's been a year (give or take a few days) since we moved into this house (okay, duplex...). We moved in the rain, using a U-haul truck and various smaller vehicles. I remember that rainwater pooled on the roof of the truck, soaking me on several occasions. Jen said that we would probably be unpacked by the summer. I thought she was exaggerating. It turns out she understated things instead. After a week or two of living here, she took the kids to Texas for three weeks or so (a trip that had been delayed due to the 9/11 tragedy). I unpacked as much as possible and put the bed together (It was a nice, somewhat rickety old bed, which has since gone back to Jason. We replaced it with a metal framed bed from Ikea). I also got some sort of sinus infection, which didn't stop me from going to see Hungarian filmmaker Bela Tarr's epic Satantango at the Pacific Film Archive in Berkeley. Because of the running time (a mere seven and a half hours), and the fact that I felt miserable, I half expected it to be an ordeal. I needn't have worried. I think my illness only added to the experience. There I was, shivering and dripping at the nose, crouched by myself in a theater seat - and I loved it. It moved at a sedate, black and white pace through the desperate lives of a group of Hungarian villagers, sometimes folding back on itself to capture events that were happening simultaneously. ...but it is not my purpose here to review films. That said, I wish somebody would put the damn thing out on DVD so I could watch it again and again.
We were out in the garage today. Jen was looking for a box of maternity clothes. We've been dumping things in there for a year now, not to mention the things that never made it out in the first place. There are piles of old cardboard that needs to be recycled. Under the cardboard are torn bags of rocks from the time we tried to re-do the landscaping. Weeds, looking pale and serpentine, have sprouted in the bags, twisting their way over the rocks in a desperate quest for sunlight. There are various unopened boxes and outdoor toys and that huge aquarium I got from the museum, all waiting patiently for the day when they will again see use. As a whole, the space looks like it has been attacked by angry gibbons. We don't go in there much.

cds I listened to while knowing that my car will never be parked in the garage: irr.app.(ext.) "an uncertain animal, Ruptured: tissue expanding in conversation", "dust pincher appliances", and "foreign matter, nor frequency carrier", Varttina "Musta Lindu", and Kris Krawczyk & Goran Bregovic "Kris & Goran"

now: Coil "Unnatural History II"

Our yard is blanketed by debris from the neighborhood trees. Multicolored leaves form a carpet punctuated by the crooked fingers of shattered branches. Sad brown palm fronds litter the walkway, and the seed pods full of berries that Sophie likes to put in her mouth litter the ground. The air smells alive. The plant odors mingle with the aroma of saturated soil to produce the intoxicating smell of autumn. Mist hangs in the spaces between the surrounding hills. The clouds above pass on, and the temperatures drop. Tonight there were hints of frost on the lawns. My breath billowed around my face.

On friday we visited the midwife. I heard our child's heartbeat for the first time. There's not a whole lot of things better than that.

Later the same day, Matt and I went and saw Inkboat's performance of Onion at the Yerba Buena Center for the Arts. It seemed to me to be about a writer who observed from a distance but never got involved, his editor (or publisher) and a couple who were either characters in his writings or consumers of his writings. Onions, which seemed to be a metaphor for books, were thrown about with enthusiasm. Or were they a metaphor for human souls? Or were they just onions?

Jen and I, during a rare childless moment, saw Frida earlier today (or yesterday) and it was quite excellent. I'm not going to do a review of it here, but it was great to hear (and see) Lila Downs at several points during the film. The brothers Quay also took part.

cds listened to while seeing my breath: Heavy Load "Full Speed at High Level", Hellhammer "Satanic Rites", Hellhound "Ice Age", Idiot Flesh "Fancy", and Sigur Ros "( )"

now: Popol Vuh "In the Gardens of Pharao/Aguirre"