Things are in flux at the moment, on all fronts. We've finished up six weeks of summer camp, and this week the kids are mostly home. Willow got some vaccinations today, and quietly cried about it. I took the girls out for ice cream afterwards, which the happily and messily ate, and then we got a movie at the grocery store, which they sort of quietly watched.

In the time since I last posted anything here, I've been to a wedding (one of my coworkers got married to his long-time girlfriend in a beautiful wedding at our place of employment), a play (Central Work's latest, an updated version of Shakespeare's A Midsummer Night's Dream, with sound done by my brother - very nice), and saw an old friend I hadn't seen in around 20 years. I've still been digging into my past in a midlife crisis sort of way, so it's nice to reconnect with old friends. This particular old friend is now a professor out in Boston. The last time I saw him, he was singing in an Arizona punk band called Desecration. It's a good feeling to reconnect with people, even if the meetings are brief and far between. We're definitely all grown up now.

I'm due up at camp in a couple of hours to lead a night hike for the symphony camp. They've been coexisting with our day camp this week, with me as the official liaison between the two groups. So far, so good.

Next month, it's back to working nights again. I've got to put in more classroom hours for my teaching credential program as well, but it should be easier with the kids all in school every day. I tried to get a day position with benefits, but failed again. It's just as well, I suppose, because I really should be getting in more classroom practice. I'm going to be asking all of the visiting teachers about how they feel about their schools and districts too. This will give me an idea about where I might like to work after I get my credentials.

Currently listening to: Sacred Blade "demo #1"

I'm at work right now. The rest of the family is over the hill, towards the sea, at a birthday party, near a burned patch eaten by one of the recent fires.

There's a fire here too, and music, and dancing. The Tian Hua I-Kuan Tao Foundation is having their annual summer camp at our site. Unlike our summer camps, this one lasts a mere three days. I got here right before they lit their campfire. The way they decided who was to light it fell somewhere between ceremony and game. Although, who's to say that a ceremony can't also be a game? Not me. The campers formed conga lines and danced to some chanting and music. When two conga lines met, a ro-sham-bo contest took place, with the loser adding his or her line on to the back of the winner's line. Eventually, there was only one big line, and the boy at the front received a crown and cape, and then a blazing torch which he used to ignite the waiting logs.

While watching, I had a moment of deja-vu. I think I dreamed something like this, where a fire was being lit and I couldn't figure out whether I was watching a ceremony or a game. It's interesting when lines get blurred like that.

Sometimes it doesn't make a difference. Sometimes it makes all the difference in the world.

(wait a second while I try to tack some meaning on to that last thought... I have a bad habit of typing things without thinking them through first, and I'm left with empty profundities)

Maybe it means that we have to choose what is important, and that different things are important to different people... that different ways of approaching life sometimes come into conflict.

I think I too often approach life like it's a game, without planning for how the game is going to play out.

(meanwhile, happy music plays in the background, accompanied by the sounds of people clapping and dancing)

Willow and I went and got a couple of new sleeping bags today. The kids' sizes were pretty damn cheap too. Now Nate won't freeze. The other one is for Willow - her sleeping bag is cloth, and prone to dew-induced dampness in the mornings. We also got a couple of princess-themed water/snack bottles for the girls (there's a compartment at the bottom for snacks), a new shirt for me, and um... a zombie movie. That's right, nothing but the necessities.

We're halfway through the summer camp season now. Every Friday, the kids come home worn out, filthy, bruised, and fulfilled. Today, Sophie had a big bruise on her hip from excessive hula-hooping. After I pulled into our driveway, Nate complained of feeling carsick, so he sat down in the shade on the front lawn to drink some water and wait for the queasiness to pass. I herded the other kids indoors so I could bathe the girls, but figured I'd better check on Nate before I got too wrapped up in the additional herding project required to actually get the girls into the bath. Sure enough, he was asleep out on the front lawn, his head resting against his backpack.

Part of the problem is his inadequate sleeping bag. Last night's sleepover proved to be much colder than last week's. It's off to the store I go to fetch him a better one.

Oh, and today the local paper reported that there's a measure on San Francisco's November ballot to name a building after George Bush. Normally, I wouldn't support such foolishness, but upon closer inspection I noticed that the building in question is a sewage plant.

Why stop there though? Picture this: The Dick Cheney tannery. It would definitely get my vote.

Currently listening to: Breathe Stone "Angels of the Four Winds" 3" cd

Jen's up in S.F. at the Blogher conference, being busy and productive, and hopefully having some fun too. The rest of us will be sleeping at camp tomorrow night, and then the three older kids go off to their dad's for the weekend. Jen gets back Sunday night, and the kids get back Monday morning, just in time to go to camp again. Somewhere in there I've got to finish some homework assignments (I still find it weird that I'm in school during the summer) and do some cleaning around here. Right now, I'm enjoying that wind-down time that falls between the kids going to sleep (not sure the boys are asleep yet...) and me going to sleep. I'm pretty tired too, so I'd better wind down fast. Not sure what happens if one goes to sleep partially wound.

Maybe springs snap.

I'm just starting my third week of summer camp. After having a big group of small kids, it's refreshing to have a smaller group of big kids this week - they're a bit more focused and don't need as much reigning in. It's cooler too, which counts for a lot. Of course, all of our kids are up at camp again. It's great that I'm allowed to bring them for free. It would literally cost thousands of dollars if I was paying for all of these weeks of camp.

Over the school year, I got so used to having my days free that it's almost a shock to not always have time to get to a lot of the basic things like cleaning dishes and clothes. In a way though, it's easier - I never have to stop and wonder what I'm going to do next. There's always a million things that need attention. I'm somehow managing to find time to do school work too. I've got a few more weeks of my 2nd term, and then a few weeks off (both from work and school), which I'm sure will be filled up with other things. For the present though, I'm definitely not bored.

Also, I've relented a bit in my previously uncompromising attitude about the uselessness of video games - Wii Fit is actually quite useful. I've been using it to work out for about a month now, and I'm actually seeing positive results. I guess it was only a matter of time before somebody invented something like this. Between all of the hiking and the video game assisted workouts, I should be in great shape by the end of the summer, as long as I can resist the call of free ice cream at camp. So far, so good.

Willow's First Camp-out

Willow's First Camp-out, originally uploaded by Corbie.

We're already at the end of the second week of the six weeks I'm working at summer camp this year. The kids have been going just about every day, with the exception of the very first day when the boys elected to spend the night at a friends house so they wouldn't have to get up at sunrise to get to camp on time.

Camp leaves them filthy, sunburned (despite constant re-application of sunblock), and tired, but everybody is having a good time. Nate is exercising his leadership skills to good effect, Alex is thriving, Sophie spends most of her time in the pool, and Willow is existing in a state of perpetual excitement, going on night hikes with me and hugging and high-fiving random people right and left. In the picture here, Willow is waking up after spending a night sleeping on the field with all of the other kids. Two weeks in, and I'm still honing my skills at simultaneously being and employee and a parent.

As part of my teaching credential program requirements, I got observed teaching a lesson (on the pollution tolerance index) down at the pond. Due to the 100 degree weather, my faculty adviser only stayed about fifteen minutes, but I guess she saw enough to evaluate me. I wonder what the other teaching credential students do when they need to be observed during the summer months. They probably don't jump into ponds with kids following behind like obedient little ducklings.

The temperature has been high over the last few days, but today it's cooler and breezy. Lots of fires continue to burn in California, and I hope the breeze doesn't cause them to jump containment lines. Things could get even messier than they already are.

Lately, I've been spending less time writing here, and more time writing entries over at my music blog. I've even written a few entries the old fashioned way - on paper. I feel that I'm at a crossroads of sorts. Many paths can be seen from there. They say the Devil hangs out at such intersections though.

Currently listening to: Diamanda Galas "Guilty Guilty Guilty"

Bloodshot Sun, originally uploaded by Corbie.

The sunsets in the Bay Area continue to look like scenes out of post-apocalyptic science fiction films, with the ghostly red orb of the sun looking more like a bloody moon. Needless to say, the air quality has taken quite a dive. Around the state, wilderness and non-wilderness are falling victim to indiscriminate fire.

Leafing through the latest National Geographic, I noticed that our fire woes have warranted an article there.

On a completely different note, I'm pleased to see that same gender couples can finally get married. In the parking lot of our local grocery store, I saw a car belonging to a newly wedded couple - in the window, they had painted, JUST MARRIED - AFTER 23 YEARS! Imagine having to wait that long. Of course, the forces of evil lurk nearby. On the way to the grocery store, there is a car with a "marriage is between a man and a woman" bumper sticker. The "man" and "woman" are represented by little icons which resemble the ones found on bathroom doors. I've often fantasized about vandalizing that sticker by replacing one of the icons with a farm animal, but have held back from doing so, either because, a) I'm too mature for such shenanigans, or b) I don't have any farm animal stickers.

Speaking of maturity, lately I've been delving deeply into the boxes of papers and junk that I left behind in my mom's garage the last time I moved (actually, two times ago, I think). It has sparked a reflective state of mind, the results of which can mostly be seen over at my music blog, since music occupies such a big space in my life (for good or ill). In some ways, it's almost like a second childhood, but instead of buying a convertible, I'm blogging about forgotten punk bands.

Amongst the music memorabilia, there are also a lot of school papers, mostly from my time at San Jose State. I even found a short, autobiographical piece that I wrote for a sociology class 19 years ago. Reading it was interesting, especially because in some ways, not a lot has changed. I'm a bit more nuanced now, but my basic beliefs are pretty much the same.

In the spirit of those people who read old journal entries in front of audiences, here it is, in its entirety:

Who Am I?

To whom it may concern,

Who the heck am I? Well, let's see... I'm a 21 year old male with hair that evidently looks like some redneck's sister's and a slightly protruding stomach due to excess junk food inhalation. I judge myself to be somewhat average looking.

I spend most of my time listening to music which most other people hate and reading horror novels which seem to disgust an uncommonly large number of people. I like watching bad Italian horror movies about zombies and maniacs wielding sharp kitchen utensils.

On the creative side, I like to draw, although I often find myself drawing icky dead people. I also like to write stories and poems, always keeping the subject matter appropriately grim, of course. However, I do like stupid humor and often liven things up with puns that nobody gets, which is good because I would probably get hit a lot if people got them. I also "sing" for an extremely noisy, yet politically/socially correct punk band.

I like unspoiled wilderness and I'm very upset with the rate at which it is becoming spoiled by human greed and ignorance. The government scares me and pisses me off greatly as well. I am what some people call "anti-American" because I don't believe in being fed lies and half-truths by people who claim to be working in our best interests. Sure, maybe our system is better than some, but I believe it still stands for a lot of improvement. People who believe the U.S. is perfect are hurting an already sick situation.

I am somewhat socially awkward at times but this doesn't bother me as much as it could because I'm not really out to impress anyone. I tend to like small groups of friends better than large social gatherings. I avoid parties, never drink, never take drugs, and don't smoke. I do, however, eat too much.

I am an accomplished procrastinator, never doing something today that can be put off until tomorrow. I have, however, been working on changing this aspect of my personality. Maybe tomorrow...

On the plus side though, once I start a task I always finish it quickly and efficiently (well, most of the time anyway).

I actively avoid anything mainstream. I hate trends and fads. I never watch TV. I am an athiest. I don't believe in telling other people what to do or how to run their lives. I hope George Bush gets hit by a bus, but only if it runs over Dan Quayle first. I seem to be rambling here, so I guess I'll stop. Have a nice day, if you want to.

Take care,
John

There you have it. Most of this still applies to one degree or another. I don't spend anywhere near as much time reading horror novels or watching horror films now (I've gotten a lot more picky). I also don't draw corpses for the sake of drawing corpses anymore - that was just a byproduct of my fascination with horror movies anyway. My feelings for George Bush are the same, even if the George Bush isn't. It's also interest to note that I started the piece above by talking about what I look like and what I like to do. I guess that's an indication that I first defined myself by my appearance and interests, rather than the deeper, more personal stuff. Of course, I usually don't dig too deeply in any kind of public forum, including this blog.

I got an 'A' on the paper, and the professor wrote, you are "one of a kind", John, at the bottom. Hmmm.

Back in the present, I'm at the end of a two-week "vacation", and I start working at summer camp on Monday. The people at Bethel Church hired me, like they do pretty much every summer, to bring reptiles and arachnids to show their little summer campers, and I spent a couple of mornings this week doing that. I'm still working away at getting my teaching credentials too. Time is just flying by, like I was warned it would.

George Carlin is dead.

Fuck, and six other words.

R.I.P. George Carlin.

We all went to the park today, and the kids played for hours. While I watched Willow running through the spray in the water play area, a man nearby was singing sad songs in Spanish. I don't understand enough Spanish to tell you exactly what the songs were about, but his tone was plaintive. He broke the illusion of mystery by occasionally interrupting himself to talk on his cell phone. I think he was also listening to an I-pod. It was a strange juxtaposition, the quiet songs and the loud, laughing, children; the old and the new. Observing more carefully, I could see that even this sad singer of songs had a child there somewhere. Even though his feet were planted firmly on cement, they were buried in sand.

The kids are getting a few extra minutes out on their night hike tonight. I spent a moment looking out over the lower field. I could see a group of kids circled up out there in the near darkness. The sky above them, down by the horizon, was a vivid orange fading to light blue, and then to darkness. A razor thin crescent moon hangs in the sky, with the rest of it outlined in Earthshine.

It is heartbreakingly beautiful.

The hills to the southwest have been burning since Thursday. Here in the valley there were a couple of days where the thick campfire smell of smoke hung in the air. Being me, I kept imagining all of the burning Poison Oak bushes up in those hills, and what inhaling the smoke was doing to my lungs. Friday morning was particularly bad. I can't complain though. We still have our house.

Normally, I'd have left for work already, but thanks to good old Memorial Day there's no work tonight. So I can sit here and write boring blog posts instead.

Currently listening to: Leonard Cohen "Field Commander Cohen"

The temperature is supposed to drop this week, which isn't surprising because it sure couldn't have gotten much hotter. Despite the heat, I've still been walking to get the kids from school in the afternoon, dragging our squeaky, red Radio Flyer wagon behind with the girls safe inside. Sure, they could walk, but then they'd get tired and fight over which one got to be carried. Besides, Sophie likes to pretend she's in a limo going to Hollywood. Where she got that idea, I don't know, but it is kind of cute.

I only have three more weeks of working nights before the school year melts into summer. I'm looking forward to changing my weekday schedule back around and getting ready for summer camp to begin. I'm only working 6 weeks of summer camp this year, since the program for kids Willow's age only lasts that long. All the kids are coming to work with me for 6 weeks. I sure hope they don't burn out.

I need a new camera too. My screen has gone black. hmmm. That sounds like a grim metaphor, doesn't it? "Did you hear about Harry? His screen went black. The funeral is next week."

Currently listening to: Tanakh "Saunders Hollow"

First Harvest, originally uploaded by Corbie.

We all went to the Maker Faire a couple of weekends ago, and I've been meaning to blog about it but I haven't been able to download the photos from Jen's old camera. It seems that the software on my computer doesn't recognize it. I'll have to find the time to load the photos on to one of the other computers. In addition to this, my own camera's display screen has finally gone completely dark - it succumbed to the cold during a snowstorm up at Mt. Shasta a few month ago, but still worked well enough for me to see an image. No more.

The Maker Faire is an annual event up in San Mateo, with artisans, geeks, freaks, and other creative types converging on the San Mateo fairgrounds with their D.I.Y. projects. Objects on display (and sometimes for sale) ranged from arts & crafts to robots and rockets, and everything else in between. The kids got to see their first robot battle - actually a series of robot battles, with weight classes and everything. The very first robot to be sundered and have its pieces flung about the arena was one of the cute, little dinosaur robots the girls had been cuddling with earlier. I thought they'd be traumatized, but they were thrilled, even to the point of grabbing bits of crushed plastic and torn rubber skin from the aftermath. Jen got to indulge in some craft shopping, and we all got to hang out with Jeremy, who is a bit of a maker himself. As for myself, I've always wanted to spend more time making things, but don't always have the time, skills, or information I need. My one purchase for the day was a big block of red oak sawdust and rice bran impregnated with the mycelium of the Shiitake mushroom. The block is supposed to yield several "crops" of mushrooms (the part that grows above the ground is the "fruiting body" of the mushroom, used for reproductive purposes - the releasing of spores). Over the last week, I harvested my first batch of mushrooms, and damn, they're the best mushrooms I've ever eaten. I've been eating them raw too. Next time I'll try cooking them. Just a few minutes ago, I cut some mold off the block. Gotta watch that mold. Hopefully I'll have some more mushrooms soon. For your own block, go to Far West Fungi.

Another interesting site that had a booth at the faire was Instructables.com., which is billed as the world's biggest show and tell. It's full of user generated instructions for just about everything. Become a maker!

Speaking of making, I don't think I've mentioned in my blog (although she has mentioned it in hers, of course) that Jen had a short piece published in a book called "Can I Sit With You?". Along with several other authors featured in the book, she did a reading at Angelica's Bistro up in Redwood City. She did it well, too, despite her aversion to public speaking. We're all very proud of her. See an excerpt here.

At home, I'm continuing to walk to pick the kids up from school (tomorrow should be fun, with the forecast calling for record heat). Willow had her pre-Kindergarten assessment today, and she is ready for Kindergarten, which is no surprise to anybody. I'm told that she needs to work on her fine motor skills a bit though.

Everything in good time.

Currently listening to: Steve Von Till "A Grave is a Grim Horse"

Willow (as I drove her to school this morning): Why can't I play on the roof?

Here's a fun link. Keep refreshing for continued chuckles.

Even though her days are hectic, Jen still occasionally finds the time to send me an interesting link or two. Today, she sent me this one, which is essentially all about the joy and looming necessity of exploring your immediate neighborhood on foot. They call it a walkshed - sort of like a watershed for people, I guess. The whole idea is to get out there and see how many useful destinations are in walking distance. For instance, which stores are in a half-hour walking radius of your house? What about 45 minutes? An hour? Think of the saved gas money and the bulging calf muscles!

Thinking about it, I don't know my current neighborhood even a fraction as well as I knew my childhood haunts. Despite the fact that for the past three years (barring the current school year), I've hiked for a living, I still, shamefully, often drive when I could be walking. Blame schedules, or my inattention to the clock, or general to-much-to-do-ness, but I almost always drive to get the kids from school, which is only about five or six blocks away. Granted, I park around the corner rather than join the idling line of over-sized vehicles in front of the school, but still...

Today I walked. Willow rode her little plastic bigwheel (or whatever the heck they call them these days) and I brought the wagon because I didn't want any part of the scene that I was sure Sophie would make when she was faced with the prospect of... gasp... walking! As it was, she was so thrilled with the wagon ride that she wants to ride home that way every day. The boys were fine with it as well, but then again they often walk.

I'm going to try to keep this up. It was good to be out there in the Spring air, even if it was humid and overcast.

Then, coincidentally enough, the boys asked to go on a walk so they could "map the neighborhood." They're finally getting to the age where, equipped with a cell phone, it's more or less okay to let them wander off. And wander they did, with drinks and blank paper for making maps. I asked them just now if they actually made maps, to which Alex replied, "yeah, kinda." They plan on finishing the project later. Maybe I'll come along. I know that up the hill and around the corner there is the entrance to a hiking trail of some sort. It's probably not extensive, but it's definitely within walking distance. I've been meaning to mount an expedition up that way for awhile, but I'm such a damn procrastinator. There's also the added problem of getting all four kids (and attendant friends), to all agree at the same time to do the same thing.

One can only try.

(cue voice of Yoda) "There is no try. There is only do!"

Current listening: Crow Tongue "ditch mix volume three"

Unless..., originally uploaded by Corbie.

I spent last weekend down in Malibu, at a place called Camp Hess Kramer, for the Association for Environmental and Outdoor Education's (AEOE) Spring Conference. This is the second AEOE conference I've been to, and the first down in southern California. This time, ten of us went - naturalists, one of our cabin leader advisors, and a cabin leader/songwriter who lent her talents to the AEOE talent show and helped us win two of the four categories. We won for having a skit most closely related to the conference theme (Unless...), and cabin leader extraordinaire, Guinea Pig, won "most educational" for her song, You're Not A Loam. Hear it on her MySpace page. The skit was truly collaborative (both in its creation and in its message), but the song was all Guinea Pig's. We did have and extra collaborator show up while we practiced though - when our cabin leader adviser, Sequoia, put on his hood, a small, agitated scorpion fell out. I think I was more amused than he was.
As for the rest of the proceedings, the conference featured a great number of workshops, the intent of which was to make us more well-rounded outdoor educators. I was disappointed that the workshop where we were supposed to get a chance to dissect a Humboldt Squid, didn't in fact have said squid on hand, but other than that, I had a fun time, going to a workshop on "keeping the magic alive" led by Steve Van Zandt from San Mateo Outdoor Education, a workshop on Cage-free children led by Elaine Gibson from the Santa Barbara Museum of Natural History, in which the subject of parental fear was discussed (if anything, it made me rethink the boundaries I set for our children at home more than it had any applications for the children I watch over at work), a workshop on working with English Language Learners (I didn't get a lot of new information from this one, but I did pick up a couple of extraneous activities from a fellow attendee), and a workshop on fire-making (I can now, among other things, make fire using only a flashlight and steel wool). This last workshop probably taught me most, in terms of new skills, but they were all inspiring in a way that makes me regret not being in the field at the moment. Summer camp is only about six weeks away though.

In addition to this, the conference was situated in a canyon that opened onto the beach, so the surroundings were beautiful. I took myself on a hike up to the nearest ridge during the first workshop session, enjoying the view of the pacific and the cacti that grew here and there in the hot, crumbly chaparral soil. I had hoped to see some reptiles, but only saw the region's ubiquitous Western Fence lizards. Despite their relative ordinariness, I took pictures of them anyway. Hiking up the same trail at night, I experienced the infamous Santa Ana winds, which felt for all the world like somebody was aiming a hair dryer at my face.

The conference also afforded my the opportunity to see at least one of my co-workers falling-down drunk. To his credit, he could still deliver a mean astronomy lecture despite being barely able to stand up. Also on hand for the conference was an ex-coworker who worked with us for a few months last year, and now works at the Yosemite Institute. I didn't really know anybody else though.

It was all over quickly, of course, and now I'm in the middle of a week off from work. I'm getting more sleep that usual, but for some reason I'm still tired.

Willow is calling from the other room again. I think her pancake is ready...

Kids discussing the important issues:

Nate (to Sophie): Babies come out of your vagina - your front private.

Sophie: No, they come out of your butt.

Spring is here, but the cold and wind still persist, making jacket-wearing mandatory in the evenings. We've all been spending a lot of time out front, and we're definitely getting a lot of use out of the basketball hoop, although I've seen the kids try to make baskets with a lot of non-regulation balls, such as soccer balls and superballs, and various other even less appropriate things. The neighborhood is now home to a large number of kids, and they often congregate in our driveway. There's a little Korean boy, who is 5 or 6 years old (he says 6), who is always out by himself, completely unsupervised, and who often wanders over when we're outside. The girls were talking with him about the local grocery store, and he replied, "I can't go to (the store) cuz last time I go there by myself the police came. Someone call the police." I don't blame them either. He's way to young to be just wandering around by himself. Unfortunately, I don't know any Korean, so I can't communicate with his grandmother, who he either lives with, or stays with. Jeez.

While all was suburban bliss out on the driveway last week, an unseen menace was festering in the hair of a camper up at work. That's right: head lice. After nice reggae/jazz interval, courtesy of old friends I've Never Been to Brisbane, I got to camp Thursday night to find that nearly 30 kids had been sent home with lice, and that a couple of cabin leaders had some as well. It all started with one girl, who I'm told appeared to have such a large population of lice that she must have been harboring them for weeks, if not months. Of course, nearly everybody in her cabin ended up with small passengers in their hair, as did some kids in her field class. Everybody else was nervously checking their hair and experiencing phantom itching. Overnight, a couple of the classroom teachers discovered that their itching wasn't so phantom. They were not amused. It had been such a great week up until that point too.

This weekend, after carefully washing the clothes I'd worn to camp and inspecting my hair more than I normally do, I declared myself lice-free and took the kids to their first punk show - Extreme Noise Terror! I still ached as recently as Sunday. I've got to learn that I'm to old to go in the pit at punk shows. 40 is definitely not the new 20.

Sunday, I did a reptile party for an ex-coworker's grandson. What a fun way to earn money! I offered the family a deep discount, given that my old co-worker is so cool (I'm currently occasionally student teaching in her fifth grade classroom, and she's up at camp this week as well), but they opted to pay full price. The kids at the party had a great time. One girl kept repeatedly thanking me for being there. I enjoy that kind of feedback.