We made it back from Texas with our sanity intact and we'll tell you about it later because it's really tiring travelling with four small children.



This is a drawing of Willow looking east as the sun rises. Our scanner seems to be on the fritz, so it might have scanned a little better otherwise.

I was drawing this picture at work today when a girl, perhaps aged 8 or 9, approached me and exclaimed, "wow! I wish I could draw like that!" I told her she could - all she had to do was practice. I asked her if she liked drawing. She said she did, but didn't have a lot of time. I told her that I didn't either, and that was why I was drawing at work. I told her that if she really wanted to draw, she could find the time. She replied that right after she got home from school she had to watch Pokemon, and then Yu-Gi-Oh came on, and then there were some other shows... and then it was time to do her homework, eat dinner, and go to bed.
I told her that that my secret to being able to "draw like that" was that I never watched TV. She and her brother looked at me like I was crazy.

Alas.

This may be my last post before we make our epic journey to the land of oversized hats. The last time I was there it was on the eve of the stolen election. The media were all set up with their trucks and camera crews, as if they knew what the outcome would be ahead of time. Very sickening. On the plus side, we saw some Germans and some bats. And a snake who was doing his best to find and eat them. The bats, not the Germans.

cds I listened to while feeling excited about the coming week when I get to stay home (away from home) with Jen at night instead of going to work: Howard Shore "Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers" soundtrack, Harv "Tost!", Cowboy Junkies "Rarities, B-Sides, and Slow, Sad Waltzes", Bukkene Bruse "The Loveliest Rose", Loretta Lynch "s/t", and Manilla Road "Mark of the Beast"

It was almost foggy tonight. I could see haloes around the streetlights, and objects in the distance were a little more indistinct than usual (they're always somewhat indistinct because I need glasses). I really love when it gets really foggy, as long as I'm not driving through the mountains at the time. Fog injects a bit of mystery into the scenery. If you combine the fog with darkness, you get twice the mystery. Now all we need is a good blackout. Blackouts are very mysterious, despite all of the finger pointing at certain politicians and corrupt power companies (ha ha, okay, I guess I should say the aesthetic effects of a blackout are mysterious - the origins are always quite humdrum).
Where was I going with this? I dunno. I think I'll end here and go read.

cds I listened to while evidently being less suspicious looking than last night: The Changelings "Astronomica", Agalloch "The Mantle", Rasputina "My Fever Broke", Vasen "Vilda Vasen", and Neurosis & Jarboe "s/t

Drawn during an afternoon in the garden, growing colder as the shadows grew longer.

I wonder how many real crimes were committed tonight while I was distracting the police force? I must have scared somebody while delivering papers to those nasty big apartments with the security gates, because as I was leaving, a cop with a flashlight flagged me down and said they had gotten a call about some "suspicious activity" inside the complex. I told him that it was probably me, but I hadn't heard anybody yell, and I hadn't broken anything (occasionally a paper will take out a light or a plant...). He let me go, and I noticed that the whole complex was surrounded by cops, one of whom followed me and pulled me over a couple of blocks away. Don't cops communicate with each other? At least she didn't detain me long once she realized that I had already been interrogated.

On the way home, I got to watch the moon rise, its crescent ends pointing upwards, making it resemble a glowing yellow bowl filled with cloud. Other than a couple of stars, it was the only natural light. I often wonder what the valley was like a couple of centuries ago. It has changed a lot just in my lifetime, with new buildings marring the skyline and new freeways, noisy rivers of cars, snaking across the landscape. It would be nice if every once in awhile we could have a night without any artificial light, but we can't, of course.

People would loot. This would probably result in the cops responding to hundreds of calls about "suspicious activity".

cds I listened to while looking highly suspicious: Misia "Ritual", Nurse With Wound "Soliloquy For Lilith" (new triple cd version. Beautiful!!), Joe Hisaishi "Princess Mononoke - symphonic suite", and Vasen "Levande Vasen"

The mercury has retreated towards the bottom of the thermometer, and the moon smiles down from a bare, black sky. My thoughts turn towards our chimney, and how much money it will cost to get a chimney sweep to clean it out so that the next time we have a fire the house won't fill up with smoke. There's nothing much better than a nice fire on a cold, winter night. I guess we'll have to make do with candles in the meantime.

Only a few more days until we go to Texas. Only a few more hours until I have to be at work again. Goodnight.

cds I listened to while turning on the heater: Stone Angel "East of the Sun", Calexico "Travelall", Mari Boine "Remixed", and Low "Anthony, Are You Around? - Paris '99"

While watching the new Central Works play, Lionheart, I was reminded again that the human race hasn't really changed much since the Crusades. Everybody is still up in arms, after all of these years, over which prophet or god or son-of-god or spirit to worship. And people still tend to be less than courteous to those who disagree with their version of the story. Old hatred runs deep, and being hatred, it doesn't need anything approaching reason or logic to perpetuate itself. War and corruption have been with us all along, dragging us down. Perhaps it's a natural check, preventing the human race from becoming more populous than it already has. In that case, we must have hit some critical point or crossed some invisible line. We have a man in the White House who, through his complete lack of understanding of anything, is grabbing progress by the neck and making it march back to where it came from. He's like the famine that strikes down animal populations when their habitats can no longer sustain their numbers.

Oops. I ranted again.

I bought the new Godzilla movie on DVD over the weekend, and the kids were pretty excited about it. The only problem is that it's subtitled (what? No bad dubbing? Come on. How can it be a Japanese giant monster movie without bad dubbing?). Too bad the kids can't read. We watched it anyway, and I ended up reading the whole movie aloud for the benefit of the kids.

Willow has cool new shoes. Little leather boots with zippers on the sides. It's strange that they even sell shoes for pre-walkers. Our reasoning was that the shoes would prevent her from pulling off her socks. Of course, soon after we put the shoes on her, they fell off and we had to pick them up and put them back on her. Soon after that, they fell off again. And so on, and so on... They look really cool though.

It's cloudy and drizzly outside. Nice.

cds I listened to while getting drizzled upon: Misia "Paixoes Diagonais", Cordelia's Dad "What It Is", Earth Trumpet "Roman", Irr.App.(Ext.) "Dust Pincher Appliances", Ellika & Solo "Tretakt Takissaba", and Garmarna "Gamen" and "Euchari"

The clouds are moving back in, and the heater is on. Another week has gone by in a blur of work and kids. We have plans to get the house clean before we go to Texas at the end of next week. Will it happen? It seems as if the dirty dishes are breeding in the darkness beneath the sink, and the laundry pile is a cornucopia. Outside, the palm trees maliciously drop bits of themselves all over the walkway, and the other trees spit leaves at the ground, where the rain finishes the job by pasting them down in sodden clumps that defy our attempts to sweep them.

At least we don't have problems like some of the inhabitants of the business complex where I pick up the papers I deliver. Hanging on the wall in the bathroom is a list of instructions for proper use of the facilities. This list includes such no-brainers as "put dirty toilet paper in the toilet, not on the floor", and "don't spit on the floor." Every time I see a list like this, I know that it has been posted because all of the items on it have been disobeyed, probably multiple times. That's ugly. It's hard to raise kids in a world where so many adults show such a lack of respect for bathrooms. I'll bet these people pee on the seat too.

I'll bet George Bush pees on the seat. And he gets away with it too, because he's the damn president. He's getting away with a lot of other things too. We must not forget this. We must not forget that every day more people are dying as a direct result of this man's decisions. He probably lines up those little green army men along the edge of the toilet seat and pees them off into the bowl, while screaming for his aides to bring him more. It's the same thing he's doing with all of the people who have the misfortune to be in Iraq. Peeing them off into the bowl. He has absolutely no respect for humanity.

Sooner or later the pipes are going to get clogged.

cds I listened to while wishing people were more respectful: Hook! "Musik bland stadsmusikanter, krigsfangar och mastertjuvar", Greg Weeks "Slightly West", Kalenda Maya "Norse Ballads", Current 93/Nurse With Wound "Music for the Horse Hospital", and Mari Boine, Inna Zhelannaya, and Sergey Starostin "Winter in Moscow"

Outside looking in.

I couldn't get onto the blogger site last night, and now I see why. They've been busy little stinging insects changing things around again. Looks better, at least from my end.

Andrey Tarkovsky, in his book, Sculpting in Time, spends a good deal of time musing on the purpose of art in society. What does it do for us? Of course, he's writing from his perspective as a director of films, which do indeed do a lot of things for us if they are indeed art. It is my contention that most movies aren't, but that's a whole other topic...
This book got me to thinking about music, and what it has done for me, so I'm going to make a list:

It inspired me to become vegetarian.

At an early age, it opened my eyes to a whole range of social problems, and in the process made me a more compassionate individual.

It got me banned from DJ-ing during lunch in high school.

It provided the common ground for some lasting friendships.

It directly inspired me to travel to France, England, and exotic locations such as New York, Chicago, and Austin, because bands I liked were playing concerts there.

It has kept me company for fifteen years now while working at night.

It has taken up a lot of time and money, but has given back something undefineable, yet greater. It has helped develop my aesthetic sense.

Through "world music", it has taught me a lot about other cultures and languages.

It helped me drive people out of the store at closing time when I worked retail.

Oops, it's time to get to work, but you get the idea.

cds I listened to that were helping me in some way: Swap "Mosquito Hunter", Mirror "Solaris", Hedningarna "Kaksi!", and Goran Bregovic "Irish Songs"

Too much free time at work?

It's hard to believe that November is almost half over. My plan to get all of the holiday shopping over with early is surely going to be foiled. I did order a couple of cd cabinets for myself online earlier, and a book that I'm going to have to decide who to give to. Chaos awaits in the wings as the holiday season slowly descends. Our plan to make gifts may not pan out either, unless we get off of our butts and do something about it.

This week, the weather is milder and the clouds have left the area for parts unknown, diminishing the aesthetic pleasure I feel while driving around at night.

cds I listened to while wishing the clouds would come back: Mari Boine "Eight Seasons", Huun-Huur-Tu "More Live", V/A "Northern Nights - Music From the Top of the World", Stoa "Zal", Mariza "Fado Em Mim", and Ulrika Boden "Valje A Vrake"

The rock-a-bye-baby method of pacifying the young works on Willow now. Previously, it was a handy tool for getting The Dickens to calm down. After a few lines of the song she knew as "awkababy", she would hang limp in my arms, with a fixed stare and a wide grin. The song helps settle Willow, and she gets this look of wonder on her face as she stares up at me.

It's good that somebody likes my singing.

Here's a list of what kinds of words have burrowed into my eyes and found a home in my brain lately:

Bela Tarr - a collection of essays about Bela Tarr's films.
Amazonia, by James Rollins. Fun brain candy.
The Futurological Congress, by Stanislaw Lem. Biting social commentary. Also quite hilarious.
The Guide to Owning Millipedes and Centipedes, by Jerry G. Walls.
Freezer Burn, by Joe R. Lansdale. About a travelling circus/freak show.
The Melancholy of Resistance, by Laszlo Krasznahorkai. Also about a travelling circus. Sort of.
Sculpting in Time, by Andrey Tarkovsky. Lots of food for thought.

cds I listened to while humming rock-a-bye-baby: Klakki "i kjol ur vatni", Purple Ivy Shadows "Field Guide", Varttina "6.12.", and Calexico "Scraping"

It's raining again, but not quite enough to keep the windshield wipers sliding smoothly over the glass. I spent the night turning them off and on, again and again.

Jen and I went to Ikea today, with Willow in tow. Willow, even though she isn't feeling well, was an attentive baby, taking in the sights as we wandered through the maze of brightly lit consumer goods. We got some of this and some of that, whittling away at our list of stuff we need for the holidays. I was going to get some new cd racks, but of the two I liked best, one was sold out and the other one wouldn't have fit in my car. I did enjoy wandering through the "as is" section, because it looked like the final resting place for stuff that had fallen off of a fast moving truck. A few things looked like they had been floor models for maybe a couple of decades. I saved my money for the swedish chocolate and coffee, even though Sweden isn't exactly known for its coffee.

On saturday, Jen's mom took The Dickens, the boys and me to see Aladdin up at Villa Montalvo. Jen stayed home with Willow who, as I mentioned above, isn't feeling well. The boys liked the play, but The Dickens liked running back and forth between her seat and the lobby, again and again. Her shoes made a clunk clunk clunk noise as she ran along the wooden-floored aisle, which I'm sure endeared her to her fellow theater goers. After awhile, tired of chasing her, I took her outside where she continued her running. At one point she looked up at me and exclaimed, "this is great!" We also inspected a house of sticks that looked like it was made by somebody who was inspired by Andy Goldsworthy. Further down the lawn, there was a structure shaped like a seashell. It had inner walls of adobe, and outer walls and ceiling of turf. The entrance was the mouth of the shell, and the interior spiraled around into a little alcove with an uneven stone bench under a grass skylight. It looked quite mysterious in the cloud-filtered sunlight.

cds I listened to while wishing it would rain just a little harder: Skyclad "Another Fine Mess", Katatonia "Tonight's Music", Ulver "Lyckantropen Themes", Apocalyptica "Cult", Sofia Joons, Emma Hardelin, Meelika Hainsou "Strand...Rand", and Hagalaz' Runedance "Frigga's Web"

When it looks like rain, don't forget to wear a hat.

The rain has arrived, unfortunately for those who have forgotten how to drive in it. I saw a multi-vehicle accident on the way to work, and I'm sure there were lots of others that I didn't see.
For my part, I breathed a little more deeply, filling my nostrils and lungs with that wild rain smell, nicely accented with the tang of wet rosemary and lavender.

I had almost forgotten that I have to get up and lead a tour at Hidden Villa tomorrow. It has the potential to be really muddy. Hopefully the kids don't wear their nice clothes. It amuses me when kids show up to the farm dressed in nice clothes. Nice clothes aren't so nice after they've been exposed to mud and cow shit.

The creek is probably flowing again.

cds I listened to while getting wet: Hank Dogs "Half Smile", Mago De Oz "La Leyenda de la Mancha", Leif Edling "The Black Heart of Candlemass - demos & outtakes '83 - '99", Bathory "Nordland I", and Tiamat "Judas Christ"

The first dream I ever remember having involved the world being on fire, and me being lost in it. If there is a hell for arsonists and people who throw lit cigarettes out of car windows, let it be a hot one.

Due to the overcast, it was warmer tonight than it has been for the last couple of nights. The air contains hints of fireplace smoke, and left-up Halloween decorations mingle with premature Christmas ones in peoples' yards. It's supposed to rain soon, and I'd like nothing better than to have a roaring fire in the fireplace, a hot cup of tea, and to be able to curl up with Jen on the couch while perhaps watching a movie or two.
While we do this, little magical folk will clean the house and mow the lawn. The kids will amuse themselves and not hit, prod, or bite each other. They will share toys and not spill anything anywhere.

Of the items mentioned above, the one about little magical folk is the most probable. Ah well, I love them all, despite the fact that they are conduits for the God of Chaos.

cds I listened to under gathering clouds: Lhasa "The Living Road", Lake of Tears "A Crimson Cosmos" and "The Neonai", Paul Chain "Park of Reason", and Cowboy Junkies "The Radio One Sessions"

Speaking of La Llorona...



Gloomy house.

I saw another one of those fancy cars today sporting a George W. Bush sticker on its bumper and a flag on its antenna. The elements had not been kind to the flag. In fact, it almost looked like somebody had snipped it neatly in half, diagonally. If Bush tried to wipe his ass with this particular flag, he'd get stuff on his fingers. He'd better stick with a flag that's been treated with proper etiquette. That's what he's all about, isn't it? - profaning and distorting things. He's already figuratively wiped his ass with the constitution. He's ultimately responsible for a lot of death overseas - and for fictitious reasons, to boot!

I'd like to send him an american flag made out of cleverly disguised stinging nettles.

I taught BioSITE tuesday. There were two new kids in my group, for a total of five. They got through the activities (making watershed maps...) without too much trouble. The Guadalupe river was turbid and trash was tangled amongst the aquatic foliage, no doubt dislodged from somewhere upstream as a result of the slight bit of rain we had earlier. It also looked like somebody had dumped some detergent somewhere. There was a line of suds floating past.
I took the kids on a "nature walk" (really a method of getting them to shut their mouths and use their ears) along the river, and at one point stopped and asked them what kind of wildlife they could expect to find along its banks.

"Squirrels?"
Yep.
"Oh look, there's a cat!"
So there is. What do you think he's looking for?
"Rats"
Probably
"Birds?"
That too.
"La Llorona?"
Probably not.

At the risk of making it less funny by explaining too much, the legend of La Llorona involves the ghost of a woman who went insane and killed her kids, doomed to wander disconsolately along the shore for ever more. Kids say the darndest things.

cds I listened to while being left alone by the law: Moonlight "Floe", Primordial "Storm Before Calm", Legend "Anthology", Tenhi "Vare", and Manilla Road "Spiral Castle"

It's only when I'm in a hurry to get home that the police follow me, making me slow down and obey the rules. I can almost read their minds (such as they are...) as they turn around to follow me - "hey, dat guy just threw sumtin outta da window! Maybe it wuz drugs or guns! I will follow him and maybe I'll get to use da lights and sirens! Oh, @#*!, it wuz just a newspaper. Now I go follow sumwun else." I probably added about five minutes to my delivery time, slowing down and coming to full stops at the stop signs. They can tell when I'm running late, I guess.

cds I listened to while being tailed by the law: Cowboy Junkies "Pale Sun Crescent Moon", Empyrium "Weiland", T.A.C. "Twilight Rituals", and Moonlight "Inermis" and "Yaishi"

Not everybody can experience the luxury of enjoying cold, rainy weather. It has only been relatively recently that anybody could enjoy it. It used to be a time of hardship. The bounty of the growing season had to be harvested and stored, and hopefully it would last the winter. Firewood had to be stacked and kept dry... People huddled around fires as everything turned to mud or froze.
Even today, there are many who are stuck out in the cold, or who lead the type of subsistence lifestyle that leaves them vulnerable to seasonal changes. Then there are those of us who know that we can go home to a warm house and a stocked refrigerator any time we want to. I will make no apologies for this, but I recognize the fact that the kind of lifestyle I lead is only a dream for a large percentage of the human race; a dream that it would be impossible for everybody to share because the earth could not sustain us all at this level. I do not take this for granted, or at least I try not to.
Once a person gets a taste of the easy life, it's too hard to imagine living without it, so instead I just enjoyed the first real rain we've had this season. The air was heavy with the smells of woodsmoke and wet asphalt. The rain was heavy at times, turning the dust on my seldom-washed car to rivulets of mud. Hopefully we'll get a decent rainy season for a change. The reservoirs need it. We'd better go get the weather stripping on the van fixed though.

cds I listened to while getting wet: Blue Murder "No One Stands Alone", Kolinda "6", Vintersorg "Visions From the Spiral Generator", and Orphaned Land "Sahara"