Tuesday, December 24, 2002

Jen has a bloody sore throat and a migraine headache that won't go away. The room I now sit in is a chaos of gifts and wrapping material. Christmas eve is upon us. I'm worried about Jen, but can do little about it, except try and distract the kids and let her get some rest. Of course, it's next to impossible to get rest when you're in pain. Why couldn't I have been the one to get sick? Dammit!

I got an unnofficial notification of my CBEST scores, excluding the results on the essay portion. I got a 75 out of 80 on the reading section, and a 71 out of 80 on the math. If I follow the explanation of the scores right, it doesn't matter what I get on the essays anyway, because the combined scores on the reading and math are already higher than the minimum score needed to pass.

The moon and clouds were beautiful tonight, but it was quite cold. The papers were 40 pages, which is quite tiny. We actually got Christmas bonuses too. ...and there was candy.

cds I listened to while digesting candy: Manilla Road "Spiral Castle", Fly Pan Am "Sedatifs en Frequences et Sillons", Sheila Chandra "Weaving My Ancestor's Voices", David Maranha "Noe's Lullaby", Mother Earth "Transitions", and Motorhead "On Parole"

now: Thighpaulsandra "I, Thighpaulsandra"

Monday, December 23, 2002

Like last week's loquacious security guard indicated, the security checkpoint disappeared over the weekend. The little booth is still there, but stands empty. Now anybody can just go right in. In fact, I saw a jackrabbit hopping around like he owned the place. Don't these people know that rabbits are a security threat? Look what they did to Australia...

Jen and I went and saw The Two Towers today (okay, yesterday, but you know what I mean...). Another three hours that went by too quickly, preceeded by 25 minutes (Jen checked the clock on her phone) of commercials and previews that went by much too slowly. The film twiddles with a few of the story threads from the book, but not annoyingly so. If anything, Peter Jackson has made it more suspenseful, and in some ways, more human. Not that I'm in any way maligning the source material, which still stands as one of my favorite books. It all makes me want to read more of the viking sagas...

cds I listened to while laughing at rabbits: Coil "20' to 2000", Mekong Delta "Pictures at an Exhibition", Mercyful Fate "Return of the Vampire", and Metallica "Garage Inc."

now: Paul Chain "Violet Art of Improvisation"

Friday, December 20, 2002

After the deluge of yesterday afternoon, the night was cold and mostly clear. I heard from a co-worker that there is snow on the hills surrounding the Bay Area, but haven't seen it for myself. There was another different security guard in the little security booth. This one seemed a little smarter than yesterdays guard. Still, the checkpoint is kind of like one of those clown cars - just when you think there will be no more guards, another one pops out.

I also managed to twist my ankle tonight. I wasn't even running when it happened. Now it's swollen and I'm limping. I uttered a few choice words when it happened.

cds I listened to while not putting any weight on my right foot: Sheila Chandra "Quiet", Fly Pan Am "s/t", Moller, Willemark & Gudmundson "Frifot", and Manilla Road "Atlantis Rising"

now: Sheila Chandra "Nada Brahma"

Thursday, December 19, 2002

Here's a very astute quote from Bill Clinton: "How can they jump on (Trent Lott) when they're out there repressing, trying to run black voters away from the polls and running under the confederate flag in Georgia and South Carolina? Look at their whole record. He just embarrassed them by saying in Washington what they do on the back roads every day... I don't see what they're jumping on Trent Lott about."
It is thundering outside, and the gutters are flooding over. Jen's been having terrible migraines over the last couple of days, so I stayed home from the museum to help out. I actually managed to get out of bed early enough to take Lexy to school this morning, at which time the clouds where still merely threatening, albeit in a graceful sort of way. It was quite beautiful, with little curlicues of cloud marching across the sky.

Last night, the security checkpoint was still in place, with the fourth different guard in as many days. This one sat in his shack with a vapid expression, not seeming too sure of what action to take. finally, he pulled out his little flashlight, which he waggled in my direction. He then asked me to show some I.D., which is funny, because none of the other guards have bothered with this. I always wonder why there never seems to be any communication between security guards. Every night, they write down my licence plate number and call it in to some unseen supervisor. It's not like my routine varies. Why don't they just let each other know that the newspaper guy will be along at a certain time, so they don't have to look so befuddled when I approach the shack? It's irritating...

My front, passenger side automatic window has been threatening to cease functioning. It doesn't always roll up when I want it to. This is not good when it's pouring outside.

cds I listened to while perplexing the security guards: Sleepytime Gorilla Museum "live at the Bottom of the Hill, 6/21/02", Ian Carr & Karen Tweed "Fyace", Lena Willemark "Nar Som Graset Det Vajar", Do Make Say Think "Goodbye Enemy Airship the Landlord is Dead", Manilla Road "Mystification", and Coil "Love's Secret Domain"

now: Jim Matheos "First Impressions"

Wednesday, December 18, 2002

I woke up today just in time to see a short, but violent, hail storm. By the end of it all, there was enough ice on the ground to fashion crude snowballs. I have always loved violent weather. It serves as a reminder that we're not in charge, and it breaks routines. It also helps fill our reservoirs and turn the hills green.
Oh yeah, and it kills people. There was a short article in the paper today about a woman who ran off the road in the rain(sunday night?) and crashed into some trees. She either died on impact or some time later, but wasn't discovered until Caltrans workers came along to clear away the downed trees. This just struck me as particularly sad for some reason.

Okay, I can't think of a way to segue into a paragraph about Nathan's birthday, so I'll just blunder right on. He's four now, and we had a party at Chuck E. Cheese's. Jen, even though she felt absolutely miserable, saw it through to the end. I don't know if I could have done that, had I been as ill as she is. Sophie likes playing skee ball, but cheats.

Tonight, it rained off and on, and there was more lightning. It's even colder than last night.

cds I listened to while wishing I was dressed more warmly: Manilla Road "Open the Gates" and "The Deluge", Sleepytime Gorilla Museum "live at the Bottom of the Hill, S.F., 1/25/02", and Per Gudmundson "s/t"

now: Coil "Constant Shallowness Leads to Evil"

Tuesday, December 17, 2002

The night was alternatingly clear and cold, and spitting down rain. Most of the trees and branches from last night still litter the parking lots, but the lakes have diminished in size. For the second night, I had to stop at a new checkpoint before entering the campus of a certain well-known company that, amongst other things, manufactures weapons. I had resigned myself to having to stop at the damn thing every night from now on, but I figured I'd ask the guard if it was a permanent checkpoint. The answer: no, only until the weekend. Why? Because (guard's opinion) government inspectors are checking the company out and the extra security measures are just there to make the company look good.
Why is it that people, or conglomerations of people, only go that extra mile when they are being watched or think they are being watched? This is where threatening to punish your children backfires. It teaches kids to be sneaky. They focus on not getting caught rather than on changing the behavior. The threat of punishment doesn't teach children to do good because it is the right thing to do - it teaches them to do good because if they don't, somebody more powerful than them is going to do something bad to them. Then they grow up and become the heads of weapons manufacturing companies and only have tight security when they are being watched by somebody more powerful than themselves.
I'll now quote a line from one of my favorite films: "I am filled with confidence."

Of course, to be fair, this whole rant is only based on the opinion of one security guard. Maybe there's some sort of specific threat that made the extra security necessary. This doesn't make me jump for joy either. Why don't these companies make place mats or aquariums or something? Nobody would care if those got stolen, and they wouldn't have to hire all of these extra people to watch over them.

cds I listened to while once again swerving around debris: Godspeed You Black Emperor! "live at the Mercury Lounge, NYC, 11/6/99", Bathory "Nordland 1", Do Make Say Think "s/t", Tone Hulbaekmo & Hans Fredrik Jacobsen "Langt Nord I Skogen", and Kalenda Maya "Pilegrimsreiser"

now: Coil "Queens of the Circulating Library"

Monday, December 16, 2002

Now this is what I call a storm! I was going to settle down and read by candlelight, but the power just came back on, so I will now obsessively blog. I just spent a night swerving around countless branches, occasional downed trees, and a number of temporary lakes lurking blackly in benighted parking lots. I saw one or two toppled fences, a bunch of unidentifiable objects - probably parts of light fixtures - and one very dazed looking opossum sitting in the road. I had to make several detours to get around parking lots blocked by large, fallen trees or water too deep to drive through. Despite the inconvenience, it was all quite beautiful. Some of the roads were so choked with debris that I could almost imagine that they weren't roads at all. I hydroplaned most of the way home as waves of rain lashed the asphalt. I'm glad I got my car tuned up and my brakes re-fixed (they forgot to resurface the brake drums when I took my car in a couple of weeks ago). I payed for it all in an office illuminated by a shop light hooked up to a car battery. Everybody has been losing power over the last couple of days.

I can still hear the wind howling outside, and the night is lit by lightning.

Earlier, Greg and I (after helping our mom decorate a Christmas tree with pickles and rabbits and other odd things) traveled over the foggy hills to the fabled land of Felton, where we hiked about with Matt before retiring to the eccentric confines of the Saturn Cafe to discuss the upcoming Irr.App.(ext.) show. We're going to make odd noises and people are going to pay us to do it. Who could ask for more?

Then Greg and I came back here and Nathan nearly took out Greg's eye with a Christmas decoration. Despite all the rambunctious activity, nearly everybody in the house is sick. Jen and Lexy have it the worst. I am sending them healthy thoughts as I type, so that they may speedily recover. Lexy, the other night, after watching E.T. (which disturbed him) had a fever dream in which somebody was using E.T. as a croquet mallet. The dream scared him because he thinks E.T. looks "spooky". I wish I had cool dreams like that. The only dream I can remember lately is one where I shaved off my beard. How exciting!

cds I listened to while traveling to and from Felton and dodging tree bits: Shalabi Effect "s/t", Godspeed You Black Emperor! "Lift Your Skinny Fists Like Antennas to Heaven!", Tone Hulbaekmo "Kamma No...", Leif Edling "The Black Heart of Candlemass - demos and outtakes '83 - '99", and Manilla Road "Crystal Logic"

now: Lena Willemark & Ale Moller "Nordan"

Friday, December 13, 2002

It's raining outside, and the cloud cover has kept the temperature from dropping too far. I love the rain.

I'm glad that pathetic little nazi Trent Lott is stupid enough to let the general public know just where he stands on things. You would think that a party with people like him would cease to be viable. Instead, republicans are popping out of the woodwork like vermin, and doing more damage than vermin could ever hope to. I hate the fact that our daughter is going to be born into a world where people like George Bush are allowed to run things. I wouldn't allow little George to run an electric toothbrush. I just don't understand how anybody who claims to be intelligent can support this guy. If it weren't for his connections he'd be bagging groceries or pumping gas.

cds listened to while the rain drifted down: Loreena McKennitt "Live in Paris and Toronto", Tone Hulbaekmo "Svevende Jord", Lake of Tears "Lady Rosenred" and "Forever Autumn", Godspeed You Black Emperor! "f#a#infinity", and Lawnmower Deth "Kids in America"

now: Pete Haworth "Preserved"

Thursday, December 12, 2002

It was another slow day at the museum today. I just sat with my spiders and watched the moon rise over the trees that line the Guadalupe river. It clothed itself in wisps of cloud as it slowly ascended. I spent a good amount of time trying to perceive its motion, but it always seemed to move during the times I was distracted by visitors.

At job number two, the papers were late, so this entry is a short one.

cds listened two roughly an hour and a half later that I would have liked to listen to them: A Silver Mt. Zion "He Has Left Us Alone But Shafts of Light Sometimes Grace the Corner of Our Rooms", Lacuna Coil "Unleashed Memories", Lake of Tears "Greater Art", and Tone Hulbaekmo "Kyrja"

Wednesday, December 11, 2002

We got to gaze at the life we created today. She (yes, she) is very active, swishing about in the amniotic fluid as if to say, "hey! I need more room!" It is a humbling experience somehow, to see this small, baby girl who is totally dependent on us for her well-being. She's not due to arrive in our world until April 15, but she's growing bigger as I type these words - even though she is still a resident of some other world that we have forgotten. I look forward to her arrival.

I did my last tour at Hidden Villa for the season today. I brought along the Black Widow and let her, and her egg sac, go in the wood pile near the goat pen. Good luck be with her.
The sheep were skittish. A little boy named Roy was knocked into the mud by one of them. He was not pleased.

I put out some of my holiday "service request" forms tonight. The idea is that the customers can comment on my service and, if they feel so inclined, tip me. I'll relate here any funny comments I get. Maybe somebody will rant. That's always amusing.

cds I listened to while selectively folding service request forms with the papers: Ghost "Tune In, Turn On, Free Tibet", Gila "Bury My Heart At Wounded Knee", Tone Hulbaekmo "Konkylie", Lacuna Coil "In A Reverie", and The Goblin Market "Ghostland"

now: In Gowan Ring "Hazel Steps Through A Weathered Home"

Tuesday, December 10, 2002

The tree is up and decorated, minus about two or three feet that had to be lopped off. Sophie takes great delight in yanking the strings of lights out of the lower branches. Hopefully she won't pull the whole tree over. My mom came over with ornaments for the kids. She drank tea. We drank Mexican hot chocolate. Life is good.

Jen and I braved one of the local malls today, and bought a few things. You know it's true love when I'll willingly go to a mall. Malls smell funny. The Christmas music is obnoxious. We grumbled together about the cookie-cutterness of our surroundings. Then we went home and ate burritos while listening to the Current 93 record I got in the mail today. Much better.

I saw that little owl again tonight. He flew away. What a nervous little bird he is.

cds I listened to while worrying owls: Loreena McKennitt "A Winter Garden", M. Gira "Living '02", Paul DiAnno & Killers "South American Assault - Live", Lacuna Coil "s/t", Masaki Batoh "Collected Works 1995-1996", and a cd that shall remain a secret

now: Sigillum S "Bardo Thos-Grol"

Monday, December 09, 2002

Outside, it looks and smells like it may rain soon.

The CBEST ended up being easier than the model tests in the preparation book. I'll be very surprised if I don't get a passing grade. I met a fellow worker, Kelly, in the mob outside the school. We must have been the only two Program Specialists at the museum not to have taken this test. A woman behind me was relating a story about a kid who bought a gum eraser and popped it in his mouth, thinking it was chewing gum. This was because the store where he had made the purchase evidently thought it was gum as well, and stocked it with the real gum.
That afternoon, I went up to Berkeley and saw Devendra Banhart perform at Mod Lang. He was quite entrancing, and very, very odd. Greg and Dawn were there too, and we ate crepes. Later, I bought a drink named Dave.

We went up into the hills and sawed down a Christmas tree today. Lexy's teacher, her husband, and their little dog came along as well. The weather was a lot warmer than we remembered it being during last year's tree hacking excursion. After a few side trips, we got the tree home. As I was getting it off the top of the van, I realized that it is at least a foot too tall to stand upright in our house. Tomorrow we must decide whether to lop off the top or the bottom.

I have to let the Black Widow go as well. She has produced another egg sac. I can't run the risk of the eggs hatching inside the house.

cds listened to while deciding where to take the Black Widow: Katatonia "Last Fair Deal Gone Down", Damon and Naomi with Ghost, Ghost "Temple Stone" and "Snuffbox Immanence", Coil presents Black Light District, and Vig Mihaly "Ciganydalok"

now: ELpH vs Coil "Worship the Glitch"

Friday, December 06, 2002

Today, the moon was a thin crescent, almost lost in the evening clouds.

I went to the semi-annual Hidden Villa volunteer appreciation party this (or should I say "yesterday") evening. Jen baked some brownies for me to bring but, due to her yoga class, couldn't attend herself. The brownies were yummy. The food table was sagging under the weight of various delectable delights. So was my plate. Soon after, so was my stomach. I felt well and truly appreciated.

Later, I surprised a small owl who was standing in the road. He took exception to my scrutiny and flapped lazily away.

cds I listened to while bothering owls: A tribute to Judas Priest, Vol.2, Katatonia "Brave Murder Day" and "Tonight's Decision", Alastair Galbraith "Talisman", Ghost "Second Time Around", and Heather Alexander "Midsummer"

now: Susanne Rosenberg "Uppa Marmorns Hoga Berg"

Thursday, December 05, 2002

I had a cake with 35 candles on it. The boys got to lick them clean of chocolate after I blew them out. I get to sleep on new pillows tonight as well, and I have a cool new art set.

The Rat snake just shed for the second time since coming to join us. He's currently crawling around his cage looking for small mice. This means I have to go to the store soon. I took all of my spiders to the museum today, and sat with them in the garden. There were very few visitors, but those who did make it out found the tarantulas interesting. The Black Widow refused to eat in front of people. I spent the rest of the time collecting dead bees and studying for the CBEST. There were some good sized bees who looked like they were on their last legs, but I decided it was kind of creepy to stand over them with my little cup, waiting for them to expire. I forgot to go back and look later.

cds I listened to while anticipating a night of sleeping on my new pillows: Judas Priest "Hell Bent for Leather" (childhood nostalgia) and "Sad Wings of Destiny", Diamanda Galas "Malediction and Prayer" and "Plague Mass" (live at the Cathedral of St. John the Divine, NYC - Greg and I went there on a different date, and were duly impressed by the magnificence of the building - so much that we were later seen running around quite nude on Wall Street), and Paul Chain "Park of Reason" (a 90 minute cd! the last track is two songs, one on the left, and one on the right. Now that's value for your money.)

now: Loreena McKennitt "To Drive the Cold Winter Away"

Wednesday, December 04, 2002

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention - I'm now old enough to be president. Happy birthday to me.
Today was the second-to-last farm tour of the season. It consisted of nine first graders who, like most children their age, showed a great interest in cow flop. We found a fat Jerusalem cricket under a stump, and a few Darkling beetles under one of the foot bridges. Another stump gave us the opportunity to play Lorax for awhile, although it seemed that none of the kids had read the book. Why haven't most kids read The Lorax? Is it some sort of new conspiracy between public schools and the logging companies? Is George Warfare Bush behind it? What is going on here?

On the plus side, we got to eat sun-dried tomatoes fresh from the drying rack. Yum.

At the museum, I was studying the algebra section of the CBEST study guide when one of my co-workers, who had taken the test a couple of months ago, informed me that there wasn't a whole lot of algebra on it. It's just as well, I suppose. It's not a whole lot of fun trying to cram 12 years of math back into my head.

cds I listened to while not thinking about math: Ducasse compilation (disk 2), Judas Priest "Stained Class" (they once got sued for this one because some kid tried to kill himself with a shotgun after listening to it repeated times - Hey! junior is suicidal! It must be because of that damn heavy metal record. It can't be because we ignore him or because he's deficient in some way. Let's see how much money we can get from their record company), Rosalie Sorrels & Utah Phillips "The Long Memory", Diamanda Galas "The Litanies of Satan", Falu Spelmanslag "i stoten", and Heather Alexander "Life's Flame"

now: Corvus Corax "Die Konig der Spielleute"

Tuesday, December 03, 2002

I used to have to keep telling myself that life is a journey, not a destination. Then I would ask myself, "what the hell am I doing spending so much time engaged in activities (such as work) that hold no intrinsic appeal?" Why indeed... The trick is, of course, to find ways to liven up those moments of necessity induced tedium. This is why there is always a list of cds at the bottom of each entry. You can make me deliver papers, but you can't make me think about delivering papers. I am usually worlds away from the task at hand. I enjoy being out a night. I love watching the seasons change. I love listening to music. I don't have time to focus on things that bore me. Soon, if all goes well, I will have a different kind of job - one that will be more engaging and challenging. For now, though, I journey through the necessities of life with my eyes turned elsewhere...

I've just noticed that there is a message stating that, "sorry, publishing is temporarily unavailable". hmmm...

Sophie went out chalking today. Chalking, for those of you who don't know, is the act of applying chalk to all available surfaces. Sophie is good at this. She's also good at chocolate milking.

cds that held my attention more than the task at hand: In Gowan Ring "Hazel Steps Through A Weathered Home", Diamanda Galas "Schrei X", Utah Phillips "The Telling Takes Me Home", and Ducasse compilation (disk one)

now: Loreena McKennitt "The Visit"

Monday, December 02, 2002

We got to spend a fair amount of time relaxing together this weekend, watching movies and having a fire in the fireplace and just being together. They say that time is money, but now that I am making less money (thanks to an economy as shaky and nervous as a yappy little dog) and enjoying a bit more free time, I find that it is a good trade (at least for the time being...).

I spent some of this extra time reviewing elementary school level mathematics, which I haven't thought about since... elementary school. Next saturday I will regurgitate the results of all of this reviewing onto a scan-tron (will they use a scan-tron form?) while taking the CBEST. And after that, well, time and money will be adjusted yet again.

cds I listened to while earning money: Diamanda Galas "Saint of the Pit" and "You Must Be Certain of the Devil", Diamanda Galas & John Paul Jones "The Sporting Life", Varttina "Vihma" and "Ilmatar", and Utah Phillips "I've Got to Know"

now: Loreena McKennitt "Live in San Francisco"